Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social inhibition, sensitivity to negative evaluation, and feelings of inadequacy. Individuals with avoidant personality disorder frequently avoid social interaction for fear of being ridiculed, humiliated, or disliked.*
Some people say that if you are planning on having a crap day, that's what you'll get. I really did hope today wouldn't be crap, but it was. My older sister lost her shit again today after I asked for her to return yet another pair of shoes. I had no idea it was so difficult to give a pair of shoes back to their owner after borrowing them, but for some people, apparently it is the end of the world. It is for her. It was a replay of the day of that fight, only both of my parents were home. My dad got pissed because I "pushed" my sister's buttons (apparently this is what asking for my shoes back does), and my mom got mad because I told her to "fuck keeping the peace," since she won't dare to upset my sister, no matter how big or small the issue - stealing money or asking for a pair of shoes back.
And so I have decided that the time has come for me to not be living in this house anymore. The way that my parents coddle my sister has become inappropriate for her age and her sociopathy. I refuse to live in a house where the crazy lady can do no wrong, but I get yelled at for requesting my items back from my sister. At least that's how I see it.
My eyes hurt from crying. I am at a loss as to what I can do in terms of my job situation and my living situation. I make way too little to be able to support myself at my current job, while still being able to pay my bills responsibly. I'm giving myself a little bit of time to get my shit together and look for a full-time job, but I'm hoping to be out by Thanksgiving. I love my family dearly, but I have a responsibility to take care of myself and living here is not going to be conducive to that.
I'm going to bed now. I need to rest my eyes and work up the courage and strength to do what I need to do next. I can't believe this, and I'm terrified to do this on my own.
*"NIMH · The Numbers Count: Mental Disorders in America." NIMH · Home. Web. 01 Nov. 2010. <http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-numbers-count-mental-disorders-in-america/index.shtml#Antisocial>.