Wednesday, December 8, 2010


Well I woke up at 6am today all phlegmy.  I got up, had a cup of hot apple cider, took a Mucinex DM and went back to bed.  I find it odd that this is cold #2 in like 3 months, since I rarely get sick due to the immense amounts of sleep I get.

When I did get up, I made a couple pans of cornbread and then took Phoenix with me to run some errands.  We cheated on the way home by stopping at the park to go run around, but it got the job done just the same.

I am so unbelievable irritated by my older sister's behavior.  She wrecked her van, leaving her without transportation, which for her is completely impossible.  My dad told her she could use the truck that he is graciously sharing with me for pertinent errands only, and that was okay for two days.  On day three, she threw a literal temper tantrum because both parents said no, she would not be permitted to take the truck to go out at night to drink and socialize - for two reasons: 1.) she would quite possibly drink and drive again, wreck the truck and leave THREE of us without transportation, and 2.) she would not return the truck with gas in it or she might stay out all night and not make it back in time for me to leave for work in the morning.

A few days ago, while the kids were here and playing by themselves, she told me something that will forever change my perception of the magnitude of her mental illness.  See, serial killers often attempt to plead insanity when being prosecuted for their crimes, and more often than not, that plea holds no water in court because prosecutors are able to call enough witnesses and provide enough proof that the accused killer was fully aware that they were manipulating their victims at the times of their crimes.  My sister told me that she gets mad when she's not able to get what she wants and can't manipulate people to get what she wants.  She actually used the word "manipulate," which leads me to believe that she knows exactly what she's doing when she has a fit.  

Last night was no exception.  When told no, she was not going to be allowed to take the truck, she cried, yelled, screamed, about being punished, about being taught a life-lesson, about being treated as though she were twelve, about how it's "NOT FAIR!"  She called my dad, who is working in Tennessee this week, to try to convince him of why she should be allowed to take the truck, and he ended up hanging up on her and then turning his phone off.  She then threw the phone across the kitchen and dining room when she discovered he'd turned off his phone.  She demanded to know the hotel where he is staying.  Fortunately, he no longer leaves that information with us when he travels, and we were unable to provide that information to her, otherwise she would have called the hotel.

I am at a complete loss for how to react at this point.  I sat an listened to my mom as she explained to my sister how unfair it was that my car was not working - by no fault of my own - and that instead of helping me pay to get it fixed, they'll be forced to pay to fix her completely conscious and ridiculous choice.  I'm really glad that she said it, because my little sister and I were wondering if that was something she and my dad had thought about.  My mom was supposed to be trying to get my older sister to understand the natural consequences of her actions, which up until now she has not been forced to do.  However, because my sister is a crazy-assed sociopathic master manipulating selfish bitch, she managed to win the war of attrition she wordlessly (and yet she didn't shut up for over two hours) declared on my parents last night.  My mom finally just gave up because my sister wouldn't stop asking the same questions over and over, wanting to know why she was being punished, why she was being treated like she was twelve, why, why, why they were saying no.  It's as though she simply spoke a different language and the words that were coming out of my mother's mouth had no meaning to her.  

My poor mom sat there in tears, saying no, no, no, she could not be allowed to take the truck, and that nothing my sister could say that would change her mind.  She gave it a terrifically gallant effort, and I am really proud of her.  I want to throttle my sister for putting that unnecessary stress on my mom.  My mom is having a very difficult week at work, which includes being attacked and almost thrown into traffic by a patient, and she just wanted to come home yesterday and relax, but that was something my sister would not tolerate.  I tried to tell my mom not to engage with my sister and to remain detached and staunch.  She did her best, I know she did.  I didn't want to get in the middle of it, because had that happened, it most certainly would have gotten physical and I'm only just healed from her clawing the shit out of my arm.  I keep thinking about what I could have done or said to have changed the situation, for example, that I get first priority of use of the truck, and that I needed it, but that would have been a lie, and I try not to lie at all, ever, even if it's to her.  I should have said I needed it again tonight, too.  My sister actually called my mom on her work phone to continue the argument for why she should have use of the truck tonight in addition to last night, and my mom gave in, and I don't blame her one bit.  But I was the one who gave my sister my mom's work number, which had I been in my right mind (not having just fallen asleep), I wouldn't have done. I should have known.  I just called my sister and told her that I'm really pissed that she called my mom at work to keep trying to let her use the truck, and that she would not be allowed to take the truck out again.  I will be more staunch about it than my mom.  My mom gets tired of fighting with my sister, but I do not.  When she pisses me off, it seems to light a fire under my ass to prove to her how wrong she really is, and how different her perception of reality is from the rest of us.

None of this even begins to explain how her outbursts and tantrums scare the shit out of Phoenix.  He cowers in the corners as soon as she starts to raise her voice, and cannot be coaxed out of whatever weird place he's in for anything.  It's like her yelling and crying short circuits his brain and he cannot function correctly.  This upsets me to no end.  I have tried nicely asking her to calm down because she's scaring Phoenix but she just keeps raving about whatever wrong she's been done because all she cares about is herself.

There is no solution to the problems she is causing in my family members lives.  My little sister is lucky because she can just go up to Greeley, where she lives.  My parents are going to be stuck with my older sister for an indeterminate amount of time because her money management skills are nonexistent.  Any money she will earn from either working or from child support, will be blown on gas, coffee, and cigarettes before she even begins to consider paying rent or bills for electricity, water, or anything else.  I've suggested that my parents take steps to having her declared incompetent so that any income she gets goes directly to my parents, but she's not quite incompetent enough for the government, she's just incompetent enough to make all of our lives miserable.

I guess the only positive aspect to my sister's insanity is that it takes my mind off of my own issues.  I wish I could make my mom react the same way.  When my sister goes off, it seems to only exacerbate the issues that my mom ruminates on in her head.  She said at least twice yesterday that she wishes she could kill herself.  I don't know what I can say to her when she starts to take my sister's energy and use it towards her self-hatred.  I suppose it is different that my sister is not my kid and my mom probably blames herself quite a bit for how my sister turned out, but there's nothing that can be done at this point to change who my sister is and how fucked-up she might be.

That's enough analysis for tonight.  I'm getting really tired of rehashing the shit that happens in this house when my selfish sister decides that her entitlement overrides the comfort or authority of anyone else, but I don't know what to do.  I worry that her kids are going to turn out either like her, totally nuts, or like their dad, with no comprehension of the sanctity of marriage and no aspirations of greatness.  Those kids might be doomed to a life of mediocrity.

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