Tonight, I'm going to Zoo Lights at the Denver Zoo. It's going to be lovely. I've never been, even though I've lived here all my life. I'm excited, because I'm going with Tiffany and New Guy and some kiddos (even though they're not my kiddos, I'd take mine if they weren't at their dad's). I had originally planned to go home and wrap all my gifts, but I guess I've got all day tomorrow for that.
Despite the chaos from yesterday, today I awoke feeling pretty normal. I had to get a ride to work today because my sister had to take Baby S for her checkup and then to has to meet with her lawyer or something. I don't really mind, though. Like I said before, it makes relatively no difference to me how I get to work. I wish I lived in Boulder, though, so I could walk and ride my bike and get some damn exercise.
I've made $160 in gifts from tenants, along with one great necklace and one butt-ugly necklace that is nowhere near my style, which I may actually attempt to return, along with this gaudy keychain thing that's also nowhere near my style. Store credit would be better. Cash would have been even better than that, but it's out of my control at this point. I did get the $160 in cash and an AmEx giftcard, though. Money to go towards fixing my car!! Yay!! Someday, maybe, I'll be able to spend my money on fun things for myself like clothes and trips, but not right now.
Today has just flown by. I can't believe it's already the end of the work day. I don't know what I did to keep busy this 9.5 hours, but whatever it was, it worked! I sure do like Thursdays. Three days off is just enough to get me re-energized enough to make it through the next work week.
It's not a normal huge milestone, but I'm thrilled to be able to pay to get my car fixed myself. I was really dreading getting money from my parents to do that, and while the circumstances that changed that outcome, I'm quite thankful that it happened the way it did. My dad is often wracked with guilt over not being able to support me in the way he wants to, especially because I am fairly responsible with my money, and I'm way more well-behaved than my older sister. But while having to support oneself sucks, I am finally seeing the glimmer of independence from my parents that I so desire. A couple more months and I will be almost entirely independent of them, and I can't wait. I hate being a part of the "boomerang" generation, and the generation of entitlement. I'm glad I was born when I was, though, because I think it will only get worse.
As for my current situation, I have to be thankful to have a job that I don't hate, and to have a head securely fastened to my body that allows me to make the right choices most of the time. I feel as though writing down my every thought and feeling on this blog has nearly cured me of the insecurities that I've struggled with for so long.
Former Bestie commented on my blog from two days ago. Although it says that the comment is from Anonymous, I know it's from her because of her writing style and because of the part where she says that friends can go through any amount of time not talking and then pick up the phone as though no time has passed. I agree with her, but I'm discovering my life without her and it's better for me. There's something about the dynamic between us, and I can't quite put my finger on what it is, but it makes me question my own self-worth and damages my self-esteem. I've always had issues with comparing myself to others, and it's taken a lot of time and a lot of work to not do that as much. She and I for so long were headed down similar paths, but then she got married and veered way off course, had a baby, got divorced, and moved from Washington to North Carolina. While all that happened over the course of several years, it was really hard on me to see that we were actually very different people in terms of our values and our decision-making skills. I was more judgmental of her than of anyone else, except maybe myself, and that's really ridiculous. Shouldn't you love your best friend unconditionally? I thought I did, but it turns out that something about our relationship caused me to be much less accepting of her than others. Perhaps it was my love for her and my disappointment to see her making the same kinds of decisions over and over despite less-than-optimal results that was the last straw for me. I think it was good for me to separate myself from her, because I think that no matter what, from my perspective, she'll always be able to one-up me. I can't have someone like that in my life.