A Moment of WTF?!?

In their lifetime, an estimated 0.6 percent of the adult population in the U.S. will suffer from anorexia, 1.0 percent from bulimia, and 2.8 percent from a binge eating disorder.*

Today was a rough day for me.  I was awakened this morning to voices discussing how my older sister will be getting from place to place from now on.  All I heard was something about ..."going that fast, will it?"  I didn't actually get up until a bit later, and took Phoenix outside.  My mom told me to take a look at my sister's van, and I saw this:

She goes out and drinks just about every night.  Last night, she went out and got drunk.  Apparently she was attempting to text and drive at the same time and hit a fire hydrant head-on.  Her airbag deployed, but she was able to make it home just as the van started overheating.

This will change a couple of things for me: My parents will be diverting the money they were going to use to help me fix my car (we had agreed to split the cost of the repairs) to fixing my sister's van, as she needs it to be able to get her children to and from visitations.  If I'm not getting any financial assistance from my parents, I will be paying the full cost of the repairs to my car - which I'm fully prepared to do - but I won't be able to have it fixed until my end of December paycheck.  What this ultimately means is that it will be at least a month longer before I can move out.  I'm projecting March at the earliest.

The way my little sister puts it, I keep getting shit on by my older sister's actions.  I don't - by any means - expect my parents to help me out financially, at all, at this point.  I'd rather they didn't.  But they want me to be able to move out almost as much as I want to move out, and because of my sister's carelessness, I can't do it right away.  Three months feels like a really LONG time.  And my older sister keeps facing no consequences to her actions.  What consequences will she face from her hitting the fire hydrant?  None.  She was miraculously honest with my parents about it (although I'm sure there are details I'll hear later), and they'll pay to have her van fixed only because they love her kids, and I'll be the one to lose out because of it.  Of course, she'll have no car for awhile and that will be very hard for her, but she'll have access to a vehicle if she really needs it.

Curiosity got the better of me today.  I realized that I was still friends with Former Bestie's little brother on facebook, and he popped up on my news feed with a comment from her on it.  I clicked on her page to see if I would be able to see any information since I'm not friends with her on there anymore, and I found a status post from November 28th that said, "Oh I love the holidays...plus I just got rid of 150(ish) pounds of negativity."

I'm both furious about and extremely hurt by this.  While I have written in depth about my friendship and the subsequent end of said friendship with my best friend of the last 9 years on this blog, but I have not written anything about it on my facebook page.  There are far fewer people who read this blog than who see her status posts on facebook, and I find it extremely immature and cruel to put something like that up for the whole world to see.  I've asked her before not to post things about our friendship or arguments on facebook because I don't find that to be either constructive or kind.  On top of that, her mother "liked" this status post, and that's even more hurtful because this was a woman that both scolded me over the years but also provided for me at times.  I even called her "Mom" sometimes. 

I get that they're upset because I've expressed my opinions about Former Bestie's choices on my blog, and I respect their right to be upset, but I find that they've taken it further than it needed to go.  Aside from Former Bestie and her mom, no one in their circle of "important" people are going to read anything I write, so does my opinion really need to be used to fuel some kind of insulting war of words?  On facebook?

I freely admit that I have low self-esteem, and that I am sensitive about my weight.  I'm the first person to admit when I'm feeling jealousy or envy or irrational, so when someone throws an insult my way, it's sort of ridiculous because I've already made the remarks that I feel as though I am lacking in some sense or another.  I do, however, resent their opinion that I am "negative."  Have I not expressed feelings of hope and confidence that I will eventually be able to be confident enough in myself to have healthy relationships?  Just because I am realistic, that automatically means that I'm negative?  Because I didn't jump up and down upon learning that my best friend had willfully chosen her relationship with the latest guy over me?  Because I'm not optimistic that this next marriage will work for her?  All of these things make me a negative person?

I'm calling bullshit on Former Bestie.  I thought she was a bigger and a better person than this, but I guess I was wrong.  

On a lighter note, I caught the whole Walking Dead marathon on AMC today.  I liked it.  I happened to watch an episode of it earlier in the week and I was intrigued enough to try to find a way to watch all the other episodes, and fantastically, for the season finale, they played a marathon of all the episodes today!

I certainly believe in karma, as well as past lives, and sometimes I wonder what I did in a past life to warrant these struggles.  I'm going to watch the Walking Dead season finale now, take a shower, and attempt to just let it go.  All of it.  I may need the assistance of some alcoholic beverages, but I'll get there.

*http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-numbers-count-mental-disorders-in-america/index.shtml#MajorDepressive