Today. Didn't suck. Not that it was great, but it was a vast improvement on most of the days I've been having. I had a really hard time falling asleep last night (obviously, based on last night's post), so I took a couple of Ativan and then drank way too much wine so when my alarm went off at 8 this morning, I felt like crap so I just turned it off and went back to sleep. When I finally did decide to get up, the first thing I felt the need to take care of was getting my car registered and plated so that when I go to campus on Wednesday for therapy and stuff I don't get another m-f-ing ticket from those bastards. I got the Adopt a Shelter Pet license plates because I totally advocate getting animals out of shelters instead of from breeders. I want other people to do it that way, too. The greatest thing in my life came out of a shelter.
Right now. At this point. I feel like I can actually handle all that's going on in my life this week - which isn't really much. I don't feel like I'm necessarily drowning anymore, though I feel like my head is barely above water. Looking forward, I don't feel like anything will happen that I can't wrap my head around. Which is how I've felt a lot lately. Like I can't comprehend what is going on around me.
I hope that I keep feeling okay like this. I can settle for feeling okay.
I definitely feel nowhere near where my normal baseline might be, where I'm functioning regularly and actually making it through the day without staccatoed naps throughout. I feel like I can actually go to work tomorrow, and accomplish everything that I need to accomplish and maybe make it through the day without crying from sorrow or loneliness or frustration. I have some hope.
I got a really nice email from my aunt today. I was very touched that she took time out of her day to write to me. She told me that I am loved and that there are a lot of people out there who are worried about me and who care about me and only want good things for me. I already know these things, but it definitely helps to hear them from people from time to time. It really meant a lot to me that she wrote to me today.
So here's to tomorrow being an even better day than today. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel less underwater.
Right now. At this point. I feel like I can actually handle all that's going on in my life this week - which isn't really much. I don't feel like I'm necessarily drowning anymore, though I feel like my head is barely above water. Looking forward, I don't feel like anything will happen that I can't wrap my head around. Which is how I've felt a lot lately. Like I can't comprehend what is going on around me.
I hope that I keep feeling okay like this. I can settle for feeling okay.
I definitely feel nowhere near where my normal baseline might be, where I'm functioning regularly and actually making it through the day without staccatoed naps throughout. I feel like I can actually go to work tomorrow, and accomplish everything that I need to accomplish and maybe make it through the day without crying from sorrow or loneliness or frustration. I have some hope.
I got a really nice email from my aunt today. I was very touched that she took time out of her day to write to me. She told me that I am loved and that there are a lot of people out there who are worried about me and who care about me and only want good things for me. I already know these things, but it definitely helps to hear them from people from time to time. It really meant a lot to me that she wrote to me today.
So here's to tomorrow being an even better day than today. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel less underwater.
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