Monday, October 28, 2013

And So It Was a Monday

Today.  Didn't suck.  Not that it was great, but it was a vast improvement on most of the days I've been having.  I had a really hard time falling asleep last night (obviously, based on last night's post), so I took a couple of Ativan and then drank way too much wine so when my alarm went off at 8 this morning, I felt like crap so I just turned it off and went back to sleep.  When I finally did decide to get up, the first thing I felt the need to take care of was getting my car registered and plated so that when I go to campus on Wednesday for therapy and stuff I don't get another m-f-ing ticket from those bastards.  I got the Adopt a Shelter Pet license plates because I totally advocate getting animals out of shelters instead of from breeders.  I want other people to do it that way, too.  The greatest thing in my life came out of a shelter.

Right now.  At this point.  I feel like I can actually handle all that's going on in my life this week - which isn't really much.  I don't feel like I'm necessarily drowning anymore, though I feel like my head is barely above water.  Looking forward, I don't feel like anything will happen that I can't wrap my head around.  Which is how I've felt a lot lately.  Like I can't comprehend what is going on around me.

I hope that I keep feeling okay like this.  I can settle for feeling okay.

I definitely feel nowhere near where my normal baseline might be, where I'm functioning regularly and actually making it through the day without staccatoed naps throughout.  I feel like I can actually go to work tomorrow, and accomplish everything that I need to accomplish and maybe make it through the day without crying from sorrow or loneliness or frustration.  I have some hope.

I got a really nice email from my aunt today.  I was very touched that she took time out of her day to write to me.  She told me that I am loved and that there are a lot of people out there who are worried about me and who care about me and only want good things for me.  I already know these things, but it definitely helps to hear them from people from time to time.  It really meant a lot to me that she wrote to me today.

So here's to tomorrow being an even better day than today.  Maybe tomorrow I'll feel less underwater.

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