Nighttime is the worst. I feel the loneliest of lonely at night. Everyone that I might normally have to talk to are settled down with their significant others, or in bed themselves, and here I am left with my stupid brain. You'd think I'd be happy as a clam tonight because AMC is playing good scary movies one right after another and one of my personal faves is on right now - Last House on the Left - but I'm not.
Tonight, we had a block party. Braden and another neighbor really did all the work putting it together, and it was wildly successful. Lots of people showed up and I finally met a bunch of our neighbors, which was great. I did the best I could to plaster a smile on my face and talk to a bunch of people. I only stayed a couple of hours but I feel pretty proud of myself for even doing that much. I did everyone a favor and showered beforehand, too.
My day was not entirely a waste. I did some maintenance work on my beloved Dyson vacuum and she's in full working order, and I cleaned my bathroom and vacuumed my bedroom. If I did about 3 loads of laundry tomorrow my bedroom would be damn close to clean and organized. I already feel quite a bit better having put away all that laundry last weekend and vacuuming today makes it feel pretty nice in here.
I wish I were one of those people who lights candles. I have like a zillion of them, but I never, ever use them, and they'd really add some relaxing ambiance to the room on a night like this, when the room is all clean.
I so wish that I had any sort of direction right now. My biggest stressor is not knowing where my life is going to go once I actually have the energy and wherewithal to actually do anything. That's the scariest thing in the whole world to me right now. And I don't really want to write about it because that will require actually facing it and trying to break it down and I really, REALLY am not ready to do that yet.
I just wish that I had one thing. One thing. That I could depend on or feel control over right now. I feel as though I cannot control any of the things that are going on in my life. I'd love for one of two things to happen. Either I spontaneously combust, or I get discovered and can spend the rest of my life acting in really cool shows and movies. Both of those options have about the same chances of happening at this point, totally independent of my wants or needs.
MAN the commercials this time of night SUCK. Apparently they don't think that young people can't sleep or stay up late to watch good movies on purpose. I've seen like 8 commercials for testosterone drugs - oh! make that 9 - AARP life insurance, lawsuits for bad hip replacements, and the expected commercials for the AMC Day of the Undead promotional crap they're playing all day tomorrow.
I do feel ever-so-slightly-normal these last couple of hours though. Drinking a few glasses of nice chardonnay in a way that doesn't feel like binge drinking. That's a really nice change.
I gotta say, I love this movie. Have you ever seen Raising Hope? Garrett Dillahunt, the guy who plays Burt, is the really bad guy in this movie and he's just terrific. He plays the scary-ass rapist-killer so well, only to turn around and play the goofy-ass Burt Chance with what could almost be called silly glee. And he has the best line in this movie. "You guys did a bang-up job on my brother down there. He is really fucking dead."
Well the movie's about over and I'm not sleepy, but lucky for me, Scream is on next, and 28 Weeks Later is on another channel so I have options, at least.
Look at that. I found some joy in something today.
Tonight, we had a block party. Braden and another neighbor really did all the work putting it together, and it was wildly successful. Lots of people showed up and I finally met a bunch of our neighbors, which was great. I did the best I could to plaster a smile on my face and talk to a bunch of people. I only stayed a couple of hours but I feel pretty proud of myself for even doing that much. I did everyone a favor and showered beforehand, too.
My day was not entirely a waste. I did some maintenance work on my beloved Dyson vacuum and she's in full working order, and I cleaned my bathroom and vacuumed my bedroom. If I did about 3 loads of laundry tomorrow my bedroom would be damn close to clean and organized. I already feel quite a bit better having put away all that laundry last weekend and vacuuming today makes it feel pretty nice in here.
I wish I were one of those people who lights candles. I have like a zillion of them, but I never, ever use them, and they'd really add some relaxing ambiance to the room on a night like this, when the room is all clean.
I so wish that I had any sort of direction right now. My biggest stressor is not knowing where my life is going to go once I actually have the energy and wherewithal to actually do anything. That's the scariest thing in the whole world to me right now. And I don't really want to write about it because that will require actually facing it and trying to break it down and I really, REALLY am not ready to do that yet.
I just wish that I had one thing. One thing. That I could depend on or feel control over right now. I feel as though I cannot control any of the things that are going on in my life. I'd love for one of two things to happen. Either I spontaneously combust, or I get discovered and can spend the rest of my life acting in really cool shows and movies. Both of those options have about the same chances of happening at this point, totally independent of my wants or needs.
MAN the commercials this time of night SUCK. Apparently they don't think that young people can't sleep or stay up late to watch good movies on purpose. I've seen like 8 commercials for testosterone drugs - oh! make that 9 - AARP life insurance, lawsuits for bad hip replacements, and the expected commercials for the AMC Day of the Undead promotional crap they're playing all day tomorrow.
I do feel ever-so-slightly-normal these last couple of hours though. Drinking a few glasses of nice chardonnay in a way that doesn't feel like binge drinking. That's a really nice change.
I gotta say, I love this movie. Have you ever seen Raising Hope? Garrett Dillahunt, the guy who plays Burt, is the really bad guy in this movie and he's just terrific. He plays the scary-ass rapist-killer so well, only to turn around and play the goofy-ass Burt Chance with what could almost be called silly glee. And he has the best line in this movie. "You guys did a bang-up job on my brother down there. He is really fucking dead."
Well the movie's about over and I'm not sleepy, but lucky for me, Scream is on next, and 28 Weeks Later is on another channel so I have options, at least.
Look at that. I found some joy in something today.
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