Thursday, October 10, 2013

Just a Regular Antsy Thursday

I'm gonna guess that 5oz of red wine in my system = further agitation of the nerves.  Because I felt very nervy today.  Not on edge, per se, but like I was expecting something that I should have been dreading.  All day long.  I kept going back to our camping trip and how much more planning needed to get done:  Would I have enough time tonight to pack and go shopping and go over and get my dad's inverter?  Do I have all my camping stuff?  Does The Ex have more stuff than I thought?  What will I need to replace?  How are we going to find my friend that is going up before us?  What if the weather is much worse than anticipated?  What if my car slips off the road?  What if it's icy?  What if the tent is much harder to put up than I remember?  What if it's much colder than we anticipated?  What if it's snowing really hard when we get there?  I'm missing a lot of the camping stuff I feel comfortable with, will I have time to go get it?  Am I going to buy way more food than necessary, as usual (I'd like to save some money this trip)?  What if the road is actually closed?  What if we can't find my friend?  Is everyone going to want to just go to bed when we get there or will they be willing to stay up and chat and drink and enjoy the night out in the wilderness?  Is Phoenix going to be too cold?  What if it's awkward with my friend not knowing anyone?  Will the sleeping arrangements be okay?  Is Jason bringing his dog too?  When will we finally get on the road?  I have to lead the caravan, but what if I get us lost?  What if I drive too slow?  What if I drive too fast?

And that's only about a fourth of the hurricane going on in there.  I literally could have written an entire entry just with the bajillions of questions in there.

I didn't wake up to go to the gym this morning because I had so much trouble falling asleep that it was 3am before I really fell asleep.  I was tossing and turning and dozing and waking up wide awake and then drifting off again and then I'd turn over and be wide awake again....The last time I looked at the clock it said 3:00.  My alarm went off at 5:30 and as any other logical and rational person on this earth, said, "Nope.  Not gonna happen."  And reset it for 7:30.  I was finally able to wake up at about 8:30 and make it out of the house by 9.

Work was fine, I had no big emergencies to take care of, nothing that needed urgent attention, no constant interruptions.  It was just regular old day at work.

I picked up my prescription for Ativan on the way home, and took two immediately because I could feel the nerves and agitation creeping up again because I was now home and I didn't know where to start.  It was like, there was so much to do, I didn't know what to do first.  So I talked to Meredi a little, got out my camping box and started going through it to see what I had and what I didn't have.  Turns out The Ex kept much more of the "communal" stuff that I'd bought for us to have together.  Bastard.  He even had my camp chair, but he left it at his old house.  So now I have to buy a new one.  Oh well, it's just money, right? Grrrr.

There were a couple of important things that I wanted to go over, but on the Ativan I feel pretty inarticulate and I'm not really willing to spend that much time trying to remember what those things were, so I'm hoping I will be able to remember them tomorrow and write about them then.  I'm bringing my iPad with me to at least write some entries while I'm out there, even if I don't post them until I get home.

I'm going to have to try really hard to actually relax while I'm gone.  Not think about school work, and my problems at school, or my money problems, or anything, if I can.  I just want to enjoy being freezing cold, and warming up by the fire, and spending time with my friends.  I plan to do a little fishing, and really blow out my last weekend of drinking for a couple of months once I start the diet that my trainer wants me on.

I am excited though.  It's really nice to have something to look forward to.  I think we will have a nice time.  And camping is always some kind of adventure.  If nothing else, it's an experience.  And the weather will make it even more interesting.

I need to get to bed because tomorrow is going to be a looooooooong day, and I'm going to get to the gym if I can actually get to sleep tonight.  So here goes!

No comments:

Post a Comment