Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Are The Clouds Lifting?

So, I almost forgot to write anything tonight.

Today was supposed to be my day off but payroll needed to at least be started today, so I drove my happy ass in to the office to print off the necessary materials, and brought them home and worked on getting payroll done.  It's not entirely ready to be submitted, but I will only have to work on it for about an hour tomorrow.

I needed a day like today, where I could sleep in, and do a little work from home, and just kind of relax a little.  I actually picked up my room.  All I need to do is get two baskets of laundry put away and get my dirty clothes washed and dried.  Which means I did a lot of organizing today, and felt better for it.

Mostly, I felt okay today.  Aside from the usual sadness, loneliness and uncertainty.  I'm really banking on the next few days feeling less absolutely horrible.  In fact, I am hoping to be able to get up tomorrow morning, actually take a shower and physically get ready for work before I go in.

I think that as I begin to feel better (mentally and emotionally), I will be more willing to write about the things that my brain gets stuck on.  If you've ever been white-water rafting, it's a lot like that.  When you go white-water rafting, the current does push you further and further downstream, but without the right maneuvers, you can very easily get stuck in a rapid, which can be really dangerous.  People get thrown out of the raft in rapids.  Rapids often straight sandwich raft, dumping everyone overboard, and catching them in the very strong current.  The way my brain is working right now is very similar to a river with lots of class 4 and 5 rapids.  If I don't try hard enough, I get stuck thinking about things for way longer than I need to be thinking about them.  Something I really need to figure out is where I'm going to attempt to go with a career in Federal Law Enforcement.  I really need to try and get an internship figured out.  I think that would be my back-paddle out of a really nasty rapid that could smush and drown me very easily.

That said, I guess I need another 10 hours of sleep in order to semi-function tomorrow.  I could win an award for sleeping.  I feel like that's the only thing I'm any good at these days.

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