Friday, October 18, 2013

More Hope; Less Hopelessness

Thank the Universe that it is Friday.  Part of me feels like this week flew by, the other part feels like it really dragged.

Like I mentioned yesterday, some of my functioning is starting to return.  This morning, when I got up, I actually took a shower and blow-dried my hair!  I feel like I haven't done that for weeks.

I think what helped my mood tremendously is that I stepped on the scale this morning and I have now lost roughly 16lbs in about a month!  That's enough to make anyone want to get up a do a little dance, I think.  I'm not doing anything special, either.  I only eat when I'm hungry, but that's not very often at all, so I have to force myself to eat at least once a day.  I assume that is just normal for where I'm at emotionally and that my appetite will come back, but I finally feel like maybe my body is responding normally to the amount of food I'm taking in instead of storing it all for a rainy day or whatever it was doing before.

I'm pretty thrilled not to have anything going on this weekend.  I'm really hoping that I will be able to get caught up on laundry and homework, though I think it's going to take some killer motivation to actually get either of those things even started.  But I need to try to take some advantage of my free time.  My dad has this idea of doing a scary movie night with the kiddos tomorrow night so I think I definitely want to be there for that.  I've been thinking of them a lot lately and I miss them.

I've been waking up about 4 hours after I fall asleep every night.  I wonder if it will happen again tonight.  I usually just pop an Ativan and throw on a movie and try to fall back to sleep.

By the time I actually get around to writing each night, I don't really feel like doing it.  I kind of miss the days of sitting at the front desk and just free-flow writing about whatever is in my head - every arbitrary consideration about my future, and analysis of past events with at least some sense of objectivity.  I don't do that much when I'm writing at night, right before bed.  Maybe I need to start making a habit of sitting down to write earlier in the evenings.

That's all I've got tonight.  Let's hope for productivity tomorrow.

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