I haven't got much to write about today. I got up. I went to work. I worked. I went home. End of story.
Started Pristiq last night. Realized that I might not be using the Ativan as much as I could be and so I'm trying to use enough of it to find a baseline feeling of normalcy. No sadness, no anxiety. I think I'm finally getting there. Maybe. We'll see how I feel when I wake up in the morning.
What I'd really like to spend most of my time doing is watching scary movie after scary movie. In my bed. Where I don't really have to talk to anyone but Phoenix.
I thought some more about suicide today, but not as a viable option or anything. I just thought that I still believe that someday, this depression might actually kill me because I won't be able to take another day of feeling a certain way - the ways I've been feeling most days. I don't think it will happen anytime soon. I'm talking way into my 60's or 70's, and especially if I'm still alone and never have a family of my own - which, with every passing day becomes more and more of a probability.
I hate this so much. I feel exactly the same as I felt my freshman year of college. Totally lost. Totally alone.
Started Pristiq last night. Realized that I might not be using the Ativan as much as I could be and so I'm trying to use enough of it to find a baseline feeling of normalcy. No sadness, no anxiety. I think I'm finally getting there. Maybe. We'll see how I feel when I wake up in the morning.
What I'd really like to spend most of my time doing is watching scary movie after scary movie. In my bed. Where I don't really have to talk to anyone but Phoenix.
I thought some more about suicide today, but not as a viable option or anything. I just thought that I still believe that someday, this depression might actually kill me because I won't be able to take another day of feeling a certain way - the ways I've been feeling most days. I don't think it will happen anytime soon. I'm talking way into my 60's or 70's, and especially if I'm still alone and never have a family of my own - which, with every passing day becomes more and more of a probability.
I hate this so much. I feel exactly the same as I felt my freshman year of college. Totally lost. Totally alone.
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