Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The Flip Side

I feel like I have actual magical powers!!  I feel really good today.  I'm sure that knowing that I have the next 5 days off of work and getting to do a bit of traveling, drinking, having fun and seeing one of my most favorite people in the world (two counting her kiddo, and three counting her mom) probably has something to do with it.  I may even get to go to the beach!

And I never cried! 

I pretty much want to leave it at that and not get into the little bits and pieces of why or why not.  Suffice it to say that reading and writing yesterday helped a lot.  Talking through it with Tiffany helped a lot.  And it took a whole hell of a lot of something on my part.  Not really sure what...Control, perhaps? 

I'm definitely still disappointed, but it doesn't hurt quite as much today.  In fact, I was totally pain-free up until a moment ago when I glanced to see if he'd checked his dating profile (which would mean he has received my response), and he has changed his picture so I know the answer is yes.  But that's as far as I went with it.  My self-control is improving, I guess.  It also helped that my mom told me yesterday that the guy she works with (coincidentally same age as me) told her that he wants to break up with his girlfriend, and thought he'd probably do it tomorrow morning (which means today).  She said he was just so nonchalant about it.  Apparently they'd been living together for about 9 months, and all of a sudden he feels smothered, like she's around too much, and wants his freedom and independence back.  So that's going to be it.  And this poor girl has no idea, or had no idea, if he went through with it this morning.  I think that gave me some perspective.  She wasn't telling me this stuff because she wants to set me up with this guy or anything, she just wanted me to know that things could be worse for me.  And they certainly could be.  Yes, my feelings are hurt.  I feel rejected and used.  But I'm not heartbroken.  It could definitely be worse for me.  I'm actually more pissed than anything at this point because it's becoming more and more obvious to me that this person was in it purely for the sex.  And that's totally unfair to me, and to every other woman on the planet.  I feel like an idiot for being charmed and intrigued and wanting to spend more time with him. 

But whatever.  I gotta let it go.  Nothing I can do about it now. 

So.  Excited.  For my trip now!  I finally get to meet Fiance, and I get to see some people that I love, and I get to go away for a short while.  See some different scenery.  Forget about the parts of my life that I'm unhappy with.  We have lots to do when I get there.  We are making the cupcakes ourselves.  We are going to be making the flower bouquets ourselves.  We have to decorate the museum where the wedding is happening.  Set everything up ourselves.  Luckily there are only about 30 people coming, so it won't be THAT crazy and THAT much work.  But I'm thrilled to be able to help.  And I even have an idea for a wedding present!!  I may wait and order it until after I get back and won't be spending the money I've put aside for spending money for the trip.  But it's awesome.

So tonight, I have to get home, grab my suitcase and my puppy and a few other things, and then it's over to the parents house where I'm spending the night.  I have to leave at like 4am, and I am pretty sure I'm driving myself.  Like a real grown-up.  I think they've got the kiddos tonight, but with the new schedule I'm not sure for how long.  So I'll get to see them, too which is nice.

And then it's out east!  Where the heat index has been in like the 110's for the last few weeks.  And it's ridiculously humid.  It's going to be wonderful!  I can't wait!

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