Sunday, January 2, 2011


Despite my attempts to not be disappointed by the revelation that New Guy will not actually become my boyfriend (my choice, he may be thinking differently, I don't know), I think it's really bothering me.  I've spent two days sleeping now.  I tried to get up and go shopping today but it didn't work.  I just got frustrated that I have such a large ass and that skinny jeans just don't look good on me.  I could have continued shopping for work clothes and such, but I just didn't feel like it!

It might also be the discovery that not one but TWO of my friends from kindergarten got engaged over the weekend.  I shared with Tiffany that it's very hard for me to watch so many people that I grew up with getting engaged and married.  It feels as though I have failed somewhere down the line that I am not - nor will I be anytime soon - in the less-than-exclusive club of fiancees and wives.  There are people all around me that are married, but unhappily so.  I know plenty of people who have been divorced and are going on marriage number two before age thirty.  Marriage is not the solution to all my problems.  I've even mostly decided that I will probably opt not to get married, given the choice, because of my fears that said marriage will not work out.  I don't want to have to spend hours and thousands of dollars on a divorce attorney.  I don't want to have to go through everything I saw Former Bestie and am now watching my sister go through.  Obviously, I'd like to assume that those things won't happen to me.  And they won't, if I continue down the road I'm on of no dating and no boyfriends.  It's hard to get married when you have no boyfriend.

I'm just in a bad mood.  I think I woke up that way.  I don't want to go to work and be bored for nine and a half hours.  I don't want to sit there and think about what qualities I'm missing to not be engaged or married yet.  I don't want to sit there and think about how I finally met a nice guy face to face and started dating him but it didn't work out the way I'd hoped.

I hate feeling like this, but I guess that feeling this way once or twice in several weeks is okay.

Also my fingertips still hurt.

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