Sunday, January 9, 2011

Still Confused, But Not As Much

I woke up to snow this morning, so I went back to bed.  I'm not kidding.  I stayed in bed til 12:30.  Then I got up and started baking and cooking.  A batch of cornbread and then dinner - sweet and sour pork, which I didn't screw up!  I used a recipe but I had to improvise a bit because I didn't have all the ingredients.  Not too shabs. 

I felt sad and alone all day.  I felt badly about how I left things with New Guy, and I worry that I may have hurt his feelings.  I texted him an apology but didn't hear back for 7 hours.  Even if things don't go anywhere romantically, I'd still really like to be friends with him. 

I don't have much to write about today because I didn't talk to anyone or do anything special.  I read for a couple of hours, and I really began to feel empty because I have no boyfriend.  I love LOVE love these books, but the more I read about the deep connection between the characters (which although it's fiction I know it's something that can be found in reality), the more I mourn the fact that I don't have it and worry that I will never find it again.

That's about it, though.  I've been having lots of crazy dreams lately, mostly in which I'm looking for something that I've lost.  Mostly it's some mundane object with no special purpose, but I always get very frustrated in the dream because I'm looking so hard but unable to find it.  It's very obvious to me what this means: that I'm looking for something in life that's actually very important to me but I'm still unable to find it.  DUH.  Seriously, I thought dreams were supposed to be more difficult to decipher.  But there were a couple of weeks there where I wasn't remembering specifics about my dreams and it began to worry me.  I don't like being unable to remember my dreams because I feel like remembering my dreams is something that is unique to me and me alone.  I feel a better connection with my subconscious because I think that I really attempt to work through some of my waking problems when I'm dreaming.  So I'm glad my dreaming is back to normal.

It snowed today, and is supposed to continue snowing overnight.  That means the drive to work should be exceptionally fun.  I've never missed my own car so much.  She handles very well in the snow - BUT - this is the week I should be getting her back, so YAY!!!!

Trying to think positive thoughts for this week:  Pay off CU.  Apply to go back to school.  Hopefully be accepted.  Get possession of my vehicle.  Enjoy beginning signs of independence.

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