Friday, January 28, 2011

Quietly Pondering

I'm feeling kind of inadequate today. I tried my hand at setting up the wireless router here. I was able to find it in the storage shed though, so that's cool. I pretty much knew exactly where it was. But I'm discovering what a social person Tiffany is and although it's about what I expected, I thought I was more secure with my placement in my own social structure. I was fine with the way things with Odd Guy had sort of ended up, but I'm finding myself feeling left out, I guess, after seeing the friendship he and Tiffany have. I don't really have that kind of friendship with anyone anymore. It hasn't really been bothering me too terribly much lately but living here it's kind of in my face. I'm not complaining by any means, just taking note of it. I guess it just means I've still got a whole lot of work to do.

In noticing the lack of closeness I have with anyone, I just feel more and more terrified of never finding a companion who fulfills all of the things I've got on my list of "must-haves" for a mate. I've been trying really hard to lower my standards, so that I have a whisper of a chance at meeting someone. When I see how open Tiffany is and how much she gives of herself, I wonder what it will take for me to be able to open myself to the world. I'm also keenly aware of the position I'm in right now, sort of in-between big changes I'm making in my life and I try to remind myself to be patient.

I'm writing on my phone again and it's being retarded so I guess I've got to end it here. Not having 24/7 Internet access and a computer is really cramping my style!

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