The constant thoughts in my brain about relationships is bordering on obsession. I have thought about virtually nothing else since yesterday. I made myself a new profile on a free dating site that I've used previously with some success. I refuse to divulge which site this is. If nothing else, I'll be using it as a temporary ego-boost. I've been thinking seriously about giving Eharmony a try, but if I want to do it, I will have to wait until I can afford to spend the ridiculous amount of money it costs. I'll probably wait until they do a "free communication 10-day" thingy and then pay for it. Or something. I think I need to feel like I am doing something about the odd frustration that I've developed with not being in a relationship.
I have a headache, too. I feel like it's coming out my ears. I only have a couple of hours of work left, thank GOD. I decided to ask my dad to drive me to work this morning so I didn't have to take the "truck" in the snow and ice. I'm getting a ride home from my mom, so there's a small possibility I can just sit there with my eyes closed on the way home. Then it's chaos - the kids and dogs will be there when we get home. Having four days off was just enough time to recuperate from having them around I think.
I'm within a couple of weeks of the day I wanted to start doing training to prepare for the Tough Mudder. I haven't officially signed up yet, but I do want to be able to do it if I get the opportunity. I'm trying to prepare myself mentally for spending a lengthy amount of time at the gym, which I generally dislike. The website says that 4 days a week on a specific regimen is a good way to get prepared. I think that if I were able to stick to a workout schedule that I come up with for myself, I would be at my optimal weight and I'd be in decent cardiovascular shape. I've been doing this blog long enough (this is post #100!!) that I feel like I've made major steps towards completing something I set out to do. It's a feeling of fulfilled responsibility, and I like it. I also have not called in sick to work or attempted to change my schedule in any way since I started. I think in any other job by now, I'd have made some kind of attempt towards doing something like that. So I feel proud that I have managed to keep the image of dependability I've created for myself at this job. I wonder how much longer I can keep that up. I'd like it to be nearly indefinitely. If I can maintain it, it will be one more obligation in my life I can fulfill, and so I can add this job to the list of things I've done that I set out to do. I haven't had a single day where I've waken up on a morning I was supposed to work and didn't get up. I've got a responsibility to be here, and so I've been here. I've only been employed by this place for about 7 weeks, but it's a lot longer than I lasted at a couple of the other jobs I've worked. Right now the schedule works well for where I am mentally, and even though I don't get lunch breaks, no day has felt so ridiculously long that I thought I couldn't stand it. It must be because I'm allowed to pretty much do whatever I want while I'm at work. I read, watch movies and TV shows I may have missed. I write, and I try to organize my thoughts.
I'm trying to imagine what I might feel like if I tried to force myself to go to the gym tonight. I don't want to go. Mostly because I already have a headache and running on the treadmill the first few times to get back into shape always gives me a headache. I just want to lie down and close my eyes. Sleeping would be okay, too. I am frustrated because I didn't sleep very well last night. Which I pretty much hate above all other things (besides getting pruney after being in the water too long). But I do feel like I'm making progress. That's the bottom line. Maybe by post #200, I'll have made twice as much progress.
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