Saturday, April 30, 2011

Minor Disappointment

Today was a bust.  After waking up in the middle of the night (Meredi came home at like 2:40 and Phoenix loves her so much that he got up to see her, which woke me up), I wasn't able to get back to sleep for awhile.  I stayed up and watched some crappy TV and went back to sleep around 4:30.  I had planned on getting up around 7 to get on my way to the plasma center, but I ended up not waking up until around 8:45 and took my time getting ready.  I dropped off my puppy with my parents, and went.  Turns out, the center didn't open until 9:30 today, so it's a good think I let myself sleep in a little.  I got there at 10:15 and had to stand in line for about an hour before I got checked in.  They did my hemoglobin and hematocrit, which were fine, but my pulse and blood pressure were high, so I had to wait another 15 minutes to get re-checked.  When I got re-checked, my pulse was 101 and my BP was like 140-something over like 110.  Normal BP is 120/80.  So that's way too high.  While I was waiting the 15 minutes, I tried to do some breathing exercises and slow down my pulse (when I checked it, it was 92), but I guess it wasn't enough. They told me I had to go home but that I can go back tomorrow to try again.

I'm fairly certain that there's nothing wrong with me, but that the amount of water I drank in order to facilitate easy donation (around 100oz in 24 hours) increased my blood volume to the point where it made my blood pressure too high.  So I have to take it down a notch, I guess.  I know I'm at risk for high BP just because of genetics and the fact that my grandparents and parents all have a history of high BP and high cholesterol, and so that's worrisome.  However, I'm nearly positive that it's all to do with all the water I drank.  I've had a little bit here and there today, just because I've been thirsty, and so I'll probably go back and try again tomorrow.

When I left, and was driving home, I had a hard time not being really pissed off.  I spent two hours there, waiting, and it was a waste.  It's not as though I would have been doing something better with that time, but I didn't get the 50 bucks out of it like I had hoped, and at this point I am so broke that I am depending on that money to buy food and gas.  Until I can get back into school and get caught up with my finances, I need this little supplemental income.  I was really certain that I didn't want to go back and wait again tomorrow, but I really need it, so I am going to go.

I watched a show on Biography about Jeffrey Dahmer.  It mentioned how he used to sell his blood for the plasma, and it really creeped me out.  I could be sitting in the waiting room with a serial killer.  I'm certain I'm sitting in there with at least one or two sociopaths, and possibly even a couple psychopaths, but I'd never know if any of them were homicidal.  Also, what does that say about me??  The whole time I was sitting in there today, I was people watching and judging and comparing myself to all the other people that were in there, trying to figure out what circumstances were driving people to be there like I was today.  I feel dirty and almost wrong for being there.  I wish I could say that I do it just for the charity, but I'm not, and that disappoints me.  I'm really trying to reconcile it with myself, but I can't seem to do that.

So I went back to my parents house.  I had been charged with driving the dogs back home to my sister's ex-husband's house (which is literally 5 minutes or less from my house), so I planned to just hang out there until it was time for me to do that.  My parents said they'd picked out a huge steak for me (my dad was teasing me about my hematocrit), but after all that this morning, I told them I had no appetite, and my mom offered to do the job of bringing the dogs back to my sister's ex so that I could go home and relax.  So I went home.  I slept from about 2 until about 7, and then got up.  I was hungry, but my stomach seems to be getting upset every time I eat, so I am really uncertain about eating.  So I haven't eaten anything, but I spent some time making a breakfast casserole to throw in the oven in the morning.  It's going to be amazing and I'm real excited because the whole thing is for me, and I can bring some to work to eat every day this week.

Since doing that and cleaning and disinfecting some of the kitchen, I've been watching Parenthood.  It's such a cute show.  It might be a little over-dramatic, but I think it's well-acted and I like the storyline very much.  I feel terribly over-emotional when I watch this show, but it's okay.  Sometimes you just need to cry.

I had a big glass of wine while I was watching, and now I'm really hungry.  What I really want are pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream, but I think I might just go get taco bell instead.  It's not great, but it's not over-greasy and it sounds good and it never upsets my stomach that much.  So maybe I'll go get that.

I should make a list of why it's awesome to be single.  Being able to go to taco bell at 10:40 on any given night would definitely be on the list.

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