Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Multidirectional Emoting

I feel like an emotional mess today.  I'm actually doing really well considering that, though.  I think a lot of it has to do with the rain today - it hasn't stopped raining since last night - and the fact that I didn't get much sleep because Phoenix was up all night.  I'm totally paranoid because of the plague thing, and I'm real worried that he's gotten it.  I cannot for the life of me figure out why he was up and about like that.  This is the first night he's not slept with me at this house almost at all.  I could hear him going in and out the doggie door, and at about 1:30am I whistled for him and he came in all hyper and hot.  It seemed like he'd been running around outside or something, but being the doggy-parent-hypochondriac that I am, I thought maybe he had a fever, so I kept waking myself up to see if he'd cooled down.  I think at one point he was asleep either with Nali or with Meredi in her bed or something, because he wasn't outside.  I woke up literally at 4:59am wondering where he was, and then my alarm went off.  I whistled for him again, and he didn't come, so I waited a few minutes and then I got up to see where he was, but he met me on the stairs.  He was inside, and I think ignoring me.

When I finally got him back into bed, my alarm was going off every 9 minutes.  I was able to doze for about 45 minutes and he passed straight out.  I think he might have been awake all night long because when I got up and got ready for work, he didn't move.  He didn't even come down to walk me out the door.

So he's either sick, or just felt like partying all night.  I think it's the latter because he seemed just fine earlier in the evening.  He ate and drank and played.

Anyway, I am feeling kind of all over the place today.  It might be that I haven't had a drink since Monday.  It might be lack of sleep.  It might be a combination of those things.

I just finished season 3 of Lost and I just want to keep watching.  I don't want to be a responsible adult and do the readings.  They're fucking long.  Like 30 blathering pages for each class.  Or more.

Ugh.  I really do feel like my emotions are pulling me in seven different directions.  Mostly I feel fine, but there are moments of anger, and sadness and uncertainty and sorrow.  I'm hoping this will all pass. 

I'm going to my parents house for dinner tonight - they're having one of my favorite meals, stuffed peppers.  They're stuffed with tomatoes, rice and beef, then oven-baked with cheddar cheese on top.  When I was little I hated them, but now I could eat them every day.  Yum.

I just wish it were the weekend already.  I told Meredi I'd work for her this weekend at an event, because I've now missed two days of pay this pay period and I'm going to be seriously hurting come the 15th when I don't have enough money to pay any of my bills.  I'm still waiting on the rest of my loan money to come through, and I should probably call on it to see what the hold-up is, but I don't feel like doing that, either.  I just don't want to do anything, and I'm tempted to just let myself be irresponsible after being so responsible this last week and staying all caught up with stuff.  Maybe.  We'll see.  Maybe I'll get a wild hair and want to do my homework later today.  I doubt it, though.

I think maybe I'm starting to actually mourn the loss of my grandpa.  That would be a good reason for feeling so strange today, because I know that will go away.  I'm just hoping and praying it's not the beginning of a relapse.

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