Monday, September 5, 2011

When Things Go Exactly As You'd Known They Would, Even When You Hoped They'd Go Differently

Today went pretty much exactly as I thought it would.  It was pretty relaxing, really.  I got all my laundry done. I cleaned the first shelf of the refrigerator and I cleaned and am in the process of defrosting the little refrigerator in our dining room.  Those things alone make me feel more normal and more organized.

I picked my parents up from the airport with my little sister and took Phoenix along.  I accidentally ran over the stand of a metal sign in the pick-up lane and my dad threw a fit (literally) that made everyone else standing around look at us.  Fucker.  We talked in the car a bit about the whole trip, the experience of it all, and how mad we all are about the outcome of the will.  Turns out my grandpa's wife got all upset about me taking any of the wine, and instead of arguing with her, my mom just put it all back where I found it.  That bitch.  She isn't going to drink it.  She wouldn't know what the hell she was drinking if she opened a bottle because she can't see to read the label.  There are probably about 100 bottles of wine there, and she's 81.  When the fuck is she going to find the time to drink all of it?

And what is going to happen it what she doesn't drink?  Where's it going to go?

We are all pretty enraged - my parents and me, especially having seen what I saw and been through everything with them.  My little sister and older sister are upset, but I think they're looking at it with a different perspective since they weren't there for everything.

We all know that at this point there is nothing any of us can do to change anything, and so we have to try really hard to just let it go.  None of us are any good at that kind of stuff, but with something this intense, we have to try.

I stayed at the house for dinner, and the kids were there so I wanted to see them and hang with them for a little while, too.  When I left, my mom thanked me for going down there, for having a good attitude about all of it and for being helpful in general.  That meant a lot to me because I really am going out of my way to be supportive and helpful and have a more positive attitude than what my gut is telling me to have.  I really just want to be mean and petty and cruel.

Anyway, I need to finish this reading for class tomorrow, as skipping for no apparent reason is completely out of the question - especially now having missed class last week altogether - and I am determined not to fall behind.

Also, I love my dog.

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