Tuesday, June 14, 2011


Today was about choices.  I am someone who is really good at making not the best choice, but the easiest choice.   The easiest choice tends to be the one that involves me not having to do anything at all.  Not socializing, not cooking dinner, not taking Phoenix for a run, nothing.  The "do nothing" choice feels the best at the time, but it has lasting effects and that part doesn't feel good later.  I made the better choices today.  I did all my reading for today.  I did all the stupid leasing shit I had to do at work, without putting it off.  I made a choice to think on my Criminology homework assignment so that I would get a better grade instead of just writing to get it done and risking a less-than-perfect grade.  I still have to do it tonight, but I've let my brain work it out since before I left work.  I got home from school and took Phoenix and Nali down to the park and let them run their energy out.  I did my grocery shopping.  I cooked myself dinner instead of stopping to get it somewhere.  I sat and talked to Meredi for awhile while we ate.  And now here I am.  I didn't have a great day.  I was called into Barbara's office and was disciplined.  I really, really don't do well when I am given negative information pertaining to my performance.  I can hear positive things about myself all the live-long day, bask in the glory of my awesomeness, and feel mediocre.  But the moment I hear something that reflects on me negatively, I shut down.

I so want to go further with this post but I am so flipping tired I can hardly see straight.  I just finished my homework for tonight and I put extra effort into it after getting a shitty grade on the last assignment (which I half-assed, so I deserve it).  Maybe I'll be able to write a bit at work tomorrow (although I don't know how I'm going to have time with all the attention I'm supposed to be paying to the tenants who complained about me).

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