Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Mood Swings, What?

I (again) don't feel much like writing so I'm going to attempt to bang this out in the next 14 minutes.  I went to bed last night around 10, but had the worst trouble trying to fall asleep.  I probably fell asleep around 12 or 1 or something but I had a hell of a time waking up today.  I let myself sleep in until 6:30 and didn't really do much with my hair or anything.  I feel like I didn't fully wake up until about 3:45 this afternoon in class.

Went to the parents house after picking up Phoenix, and stayed for dinner.  Took the boys to Petsmart and then came home.  Not much to note.

The little stinker Rainey isn't here tonight, she had knee surgery today I guess.  Poor thing.  She's going to be such a gimp for the next couple of months.

So, I feel like I'm having some mood swings, which isn't unusual at all for menopause.  Yesterday on my drive home from work, I drove past an accident, and an older gentleman - I'd guess late 60's - early 70's was standing on the median, next to a clobbered vehicle, and he was on the phone.  I drove by pretty quickly, but this was at a stoplight so I sat at the red light for a moment observing and wondering what could have happened.  As I was driving through the intersection, I saw him wipe his eyes.  Now, he could have been wiping sweat out of his eyes because it was HOT yesterday, but I immediately assumed he was crying because I knew he was distressed, and I almost burst into tears.  I wanted to pull over and get out and give him a big hug and ask him if there was anything I could do to help.  He could have been the one who hit the other vehicle, he could have been drunk, I don't know anything about the accident, but I felt so terribly for him.  It's not too uncommon for me to feel sorry for people I see walking places, especially older people who are carrying groceries, because I automatically assume they have some circumstance in their life that is preventing them from driving wherever they need to go, and I shouldn't assume that.  When I'm walking somewhere, it's not because I have no car or other means of transport, it's because I am walking somewhere on purpose.  So maybe the people I see walking are walking on purpose, too.  Anyway, I really did almost burst into tears when I saw this man, and I had to work really hard not to bawl my eyes out the rest of the way home.  I don't know why I felt so strongly.

Then, today I was reading one of my assignments for class before class, and for whatever reason - and I truly have no idea why - I wanted to start crying then, too.  The article I was reading was about the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty, and that always tugs at my heartstrings because it's made to provoke an emotional response, but for whatever reason I felt like crying while I was reading this.

I'm chalking this all up to simple hormonal overload or massive hormonal withdrawal or whatever my body is experiencing right now.  I am not one to just feel sad at once.  If I feel sad, it's a long time coming and a long time going, and crying often helps, but it never solves whatever I'm feeling sad about.  So these two instances of major emotional response are a little puzzling for me.  They went as quickly as they came and I was just fine afterwards aside from being minorly perplexed as to where the hell they came from.

I have three minutes left, so it's time to wrap up.  I am just about at my breaking point today with exhaustion and feelings of overload from keeping up with my classes.  I am lacking a book and that's making my life even more difficult and I am having thoughts about giving up, but I won't.  The end is so close I can taste it, and I have to stick with it for three more weeks after this one.  It's not that long.  I can do this.

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