Nothing to note today. I'm sick. Sick, sick, sick. I hate being sick. I feel like I have spent more time being sick in the last 6 months than I have in the past three years combined. I had planned to wake up every three hours to take a dose of the zinc, but I apparently turned my alarm right off the first time, fell asleep with the lozenge in my mouth the second time (whereupon waking up I found it stuck to the sleeve of my shirt and in my half-conscious state, I plucked it off and popped it back into my mouth), and then turned my alarm off the third time. I slept most of the morning (thank you, Disney Channel for the Harry Potter weekend!), and made cookies this afternoon. Probably not the best way to not spread my germs, but I washed my hands a lot, and also I don't really plan on sharing the cookies with anyone.
I think Phoenix might be sick, too. With what, I'm not sure, but he's been really goofy today. Mostly he's acting normal, but he just seems really sleepy and he didn't eat anything at all until late this afternoon. I hope he's okay. My little sister says that he seems to mirror me and my feelings and emotions so maybe he's just sensing that I feel sick and so that's how he's acting too. I don't know.
I'm starting to question my ability to socialize with others. Anytime Meredi has anyone over, she always invites me to join them in whatever they're doing and I always politely decline, even if I don't have anything else to do. I don't know why. I always tell myself that I'll join her next time, because I'll have more energy to socialize another time, but then the next time pops up and I am still totally drained and don't feel like putting on the smiley face. I feel like this happens over and over and over again, and she probably thinks I don't like her or am anti-social or something, and I wonder if I am anti-social. I almost never go out anymore, to do anything. I mean, the dog park, work, my parents house, grocery shopping, but that's about it. I feel like quite the loser. At 26, I certainly have my own life, and my own routines, but if I'm not going to be even making the effort with the people I have to live with, how am I supposed to meet anyone else in the world?
And I finally got my letter from the IRS telling me that I need to either pay them or set up payment arrangements with them for the $500 in taxes I owe from working for Holly. So that's great. I've got one week left of working 40 hours and then I go back to 30 hours, and then I might very well be quite screwed...
-------------------------Don't think about it now, Beth--------------------------------
I need to get back in bed now. I need to drink more fluids, but the lozenges make my mouth feel funny and I can't drink anything with citric acid in it for 30 minutes after having a lozenge in order for it to work, and I don't want to drink any water when my mouth feels funny, so I think I'm going to have to rely on just getting a ton of sleep to drive this bug away. And then I have Tiffany's graduation party tomorrow. Which is good, and I'll get to see Writer Guy, but I definitely wish I didn't have anything to do at all so that I could just get more sleep.
Next weekend is Memorial Day. The three-day weekend will be really helpful, but I really hope that I am more energized and can go and do things and don't just want to sleep the whole time. This depression thing is really depressing sometimes.
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