Monday, February 7, 2011


Oh I've been terrible about writing lately.  It's hard to write anything of substance from the tiny screen of an iPhone whilst in bed after having already turned off the lights and mentally readied oneself for sleep.  I try to make little footnotes during the course of each day for what I might write about later, but I haven't even really been doing that!

So to the writing of things of a more in-depth nature:

Being physically ill does take a toll on mental health.  However, I spent very little time during the last 5 days of being sick actually thinking about the state of my life.  It might be just that my own mortality suddenly came to the forefront of my thoughts during the fight for my health, or it might just be that I am content at this moment.

I feel as though I have some semblance of control over my life for the first time in who knows how long.  There are still little aspects I have no control over, but I think that finding some peace with the knowledge that there are things in this world that I can't control has been the key to maintaining my sanity.  Therefore perhaps I just don't have anything to write about.

I'm excited to be moving into a new place.  It's like watching a flower bloom after having frozen and died outside in the cold.  You know, like those sped-up videos.  I don't by any means want to jinx anything, and I know that I will still be facing a lot of different kinds of trouble where I will feel as though the darkness has returned to envelope me for any given amount of time, but for right now I need to focus on the fact that I am basking in the light and am warm and comfortable.

"Money doesn't buy happiness."  I'm not sure I can stand by that.  Money may not be able to physically purchase something abstract like happiness, but it sure can create a feeling of well-being.  In the month of February, between working extra hours and receiving a sizable tax-return (money which I have not actually seen yet but am just anticipating), I'll have enough money to pay the rest of my bills and I have money which I can choose to save, or I can spend it on things that I have previously needed and not had enough money to buy.  I can get myself a new laptop if I want to, since mine does not function as a laptop.  I could put a down payment on and opt to finance the remaining amount of Lasik.  I could buy a new flat-screen TV to replace my monster 27" flat-screen tube TV.  I can buy a fancy glass doggie-door so for my new place so that all three dogs can go in and out as they please (those suckers are expensive!).  I can take a trip to San Diego to visit Kara (finally!)!

Anyway, that's all for today I think.  I keep getting hot flashes and waves of nausea so I'm going to attempt to sit still and relax for the next hour and twenty minutes before I have to go to home.  At least I don't have to worry about sitting bolt upright in bed tonight half asleep remembering that I still need to write for the day.

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