Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Halfway There, With No Progress Made

You know what puts me in a bad mood?  When people do something or say something to me that makes me feel inadequate.  I just received such a phone call.  From my lady doctor's office.  I have an outstanding balance of $110.  I have an appointment to receive my Lupron shot tomorrow, which is a $40 charge.  I told the lady that I am working part-time, can't afford health insurance, and therefore cannot afford to pay the entire bill when I come in tomorrow.  She sounded like she didn't believe me.  I think it's the implication of the tone of the person's voice and how they talk to me, what they say that indicates to me that they think I'm being dishonest about something, that upsets me.  I have no intention of not paying my bill!  I've paid all my previous bills before!  I don't think she has any reason not to trust me. 

I'm one of those people who is exceptionally trusting of everyone, especially strangers.  I have a little voice in the back of my mind telling me not to trust everyone, but that's the voice of my other, telling me in a not-so-subtly-sarcastic way to be skeptical.  If it were up to me, I'd trust everyone implicitly.  However, I've been taught that I can't.  It seems like there are people in the world who do not trust anyone, at all, under any circumstances.  It is those people that have the capability of making me feel uncomfortable.  This incongruity between my standpoint on trust and the rest of the world's standpoint on trust is what ultimately makes me unhappy.  I just want other people to KNOW without me having to tell them or prove it, that I'm trustworthy.

So now my mood is not so good.  It's not that it was good to begin with, it's just not any better, and just a little bit worse now.  I forgot to bring hard-boiled eggs with me to work, and I only drank half the shakes for today.  My appetite is affecting my mood.  And after discovering the lack of weight loss yesterday, I am nearly positive I am giving up for now.  I can eat very healthily and still feel satiated.  I just worry that the cleanse is what is making running so much less painful for me.  So I guess we'll see.  I'm still planning to keep up the exercise routine.  When I go home today, I am going to totally relax.  I may or may not make myself a dinner of grilled chicken and peppers similar to what I made on Monday evening.  I really was thinking that I wanted to make a chicken philly cheese-steak-type sandwich for tonight, but I have no bread and do not feel like stopping to buy bread for that.  I only need two slices.  Or one roll.  Not entirely worth a whole trip to the store.  I could probably buy myself some other staple foods while I am there, but I am unwilling to part with the money I'd need to spend on that.  I'm feeling a little depressed right now, so I think I'm going to make a point to do things to make myself feel better this evening. 

Thank goodness today has gone by fairly quickly.  It's nearly 4pm, so I just need to hold out for one more hour and then I'm home free.  This having to work all the time sure sucks.

No comments:

Post a Comment