I think, if nothing else, I was as close to wanting to kill someone as I've ever been, today. It was less facetiousness and more aggravation due to lack of food. I was so unbelievably cranky by the time I got to work this morning. Just plain in a bad, bad mood. No compassion, no sense of humor, nothing. I think it was partly because on Saturday, I wiped down my half of the counter in the bathroom with a Clorox wipe, only to wake up this morning to find it littered with Linda's fingernails. As though it's not bad enough that her goddamn hair is all over the goddamn floor. It gets stuck between my toes and that makes me want to throw up. I can't begin to fathom her ignorance of her hair and nails all over the fucking bathroom. I'm ridiculously aware of MY hair all over the place, and it drives me up the wall, and my hair is nearly invisible unless I'm wearing black. So between the fingernails and the fact that I turned my alarm off at 6:12am exactly the MOMENT she shut the bathroom door. She doesn't work! What the hell is she doing up at 6:12am on a Monday morning??!
I found myself continually irritated at work this morning and having to work extra hard to put a smile on my face for the people walking in the door. So I decided that the best thing to do was to sit and watch movies all day. I decided on horror. So I watched The Crazies, Paranormal Activity, and something called Let Me In, which I didn't finish. That definitely helped, although when I finally left work and got outside and into traffic, the irritation just bubbled right back up.
I'm nearly positive that the reason for my intense agitation was the cleanse yesterday. Not eating made me angry, I think. So I had to deal with both that, and the accompanying feelings of dread in continuing the cleanse through August. I had a major problem making my decision today, but I think I'm going to just stick with it, one day at a time until I wake up one day and decide I don't want to do it anymore. I'm going to keep exercising, because I have discovered that when it doesn't hurt like hell to run and be active almost every day, it's not so bad. Hopefully I can keep that up.
I had a delicious dinner tonight. I grilled a chicken breast, with nothing on it but pepper, and literally about 1lb of veggies - red peppers, yellow peppers, orange peppers, onions, mushrooms, and carrots. I threw a couple tablespoons of butter, a couple teaspoons of minced garlic, a sprinkle of salt and pepper and VIOLA! Oh it was so delicious. I would eat that every day. My dad taught me well. That's his recipe for grilled veggies and it is amazing. I feel SO much better after having eaten. I had my two shakes and two hard-boiled eggs today, along with a donated slimcake from the beeyotch that complained about me whom I discovered is also a major advocate of the cleanse. She's uptight as shit but she's also not too bad. I feel better now.
And Weeds and The Big C are on, and Conan is new tonight, plus it's hot as shit so I'm going to get into bed and try to be still enough for awhile to cool off. Maybe today isn't so bad....