Tuesday, July 5, 2011

First Day of Bliss (and a Moment of Bitching)

It helps to wake up in the morning knowing that I don't have to wake up early the next day.  It has been a tremendous boost for my mood.  I definitely felt some twinges of frustration towards the beginning of the day when I was being asked stupid questions by stupid people, but that has faded as the day has worn on.

What drives me nuts about work - and this is any kind of work, where you have to see the same people several times throughout the week - is how many people ask you, "Did you have a good weekend?" or "Did you have a good holiday?"  Like you're really going to tell them if your weekend or holiday sucked.  I generally answer with a vague, "Yeah, it was nice.  Relaxing.  But not long enough."  It's at that point where some overly nosy people ask, "What did you do?"  Do they really care, I wonder?  Or is this just their way of eating up time while they wait so they can tell me what they did over the weekend?  Which I really don't care about or I would have asked.  And then there's the existential, "Wow, you look like you got some sun over the weekend!" that I get just about every single week during the summer.  I'm fair-skinned, yes.  I didn't anticipate s+itting in a hot and sunny car for an hour yesterday, or I'd have put sunscreen on.  I tried to wear something that would cover my sunburn today but all my clothes are dirty and I meant to do laundry yesterday but then Meredi invited me to go to Boulder Reservoir, so I didn't get it done.

And something I simply MUST vent about is my boss.  I'm not sure if this is legal, but apparently rent is due for our residential tenants on the 25th of the month, to pay for the next month's occupation.  If rent is not in by the 1st of the month, it is late.  Late fees are $20 the first day and another $10 for every subsequent day it is late.  That seems really strange to me.  Every place I've ever rented from has required rent on the 1st of the month and it's late by the 3rd or the 5th.  And my boss is SO anal and over the fucking top about when people pay late.  She comes up and bitches and moans at me "oh, so and so is paying late this month and asked me to waive late fees, and told me their sob story for why it's late..." and I just want to be like, "Who the fuck requires rent to be in on the 25th?  People get paid on the 1st of the month, bitch!"  I sure as hell couldn't rent from this company because I get paid on the first, and we don't have direct deposit so I couldn't even post-date a check for them or something.  I'm really put off by this.  It makes me want to research the legality of this action, and then it makes me want to nail her an extra time by reporting that we, at the desk, are illegally working 9.5 hour days without a lunch break.  According to minimum wage and labor laws, a person working 5 consecutive hours is required to be given half an hour with which to do whatever the hell they want.  Even my old boss over at the other executive suites building learned how to use the phone systems so that we could have a lunch break.  And my boss struts up every day with her keys and sunglasses and says, "Okay, well I'm going to lunch now..." and I just want to ask her what that must be like for her to be able to take a lunch break.  The other thing I don't get is the inconsideration of the people in this office.  At the other place I worked, I was constantly being asked if I wanted anything back or if I needed anything, and I honestly took people up on it quite often.  No one here offers to get me anything, and they all come back around lunchtime with their bags from all the places on Pearl Street where one can purchase food items.  I don't understand that.

Okay, I got waaaaay off track there.  Anyway, I actually had something to converse with people about today, which was that I spent a few hours at Boulder Reservoir yesterday with my roommate and her friends.  It was a hot, hot day, and the water was wonderful.  It was also incredibly packed with people.  It looked like Spring Break as shown on MTV, in like Cancun or Miami Beach or something.  Strangely, I was not even the least bit intimidated by being there.  Intimidation never even crossed my mind!  And I have this intense fear of deep water if I can't see what's underneath me.  If the water is deep and clear and I can at least see my feet, I'm better than if I can't see my feet, much less what is below that.  But I didn't have any trouble swimming in the deep, dark, green, cloudy water yesterday at all.  I think it's mostly because there were so many other people in the water, and there was clearly nothing to fear, and I didn't really even give it much thought, either.  It was just swimming.  In water.  So those were my two enormous triumphs from yesterday.  Meredi and I swam out to the floating docks and back right when we got there and we were so hot, then we just sat in the sun and people-watched and talked for the next few hours.  The people-watching was amazing.  I just sat there with an enormous goofy grin on my face because I was so transfixed by what people were doing, wearing and saying.  Meredi kept laughing at me because I'd just be sitting there with this big smile on my face, and she and her friend Julia said it looked like I was watching a movie or something because I was so enthralled.

After sitting there and drinking delicious fruity wine spritzers for awhile, Meredi and I went back out into the water to swim out to the docks again because they weren't originally letting people on them and they were at that point.  So we sat on the docks for awhile to catch our breath because holy GOD that swim was harder than I'd expected.  Then we jumped off and swam back in to dry off before we decided to leave. 

I had a blast.  I was perfectly at ease with Meredi and her friends, all of whom I'd met before.  They were all really nice and friendly.  I think I am the happiest I'll ever be when I am sitting on the sand before a body of water, and so I was in a great mood anyway.  When Meredi told me they were planning to go out there yesterday and invited me to join them, I remembered the blog I'd written on Sunday night, about being lonely and not having people to have adventures with, and so I made a point of forcing myself to go.  I couldn't really even use the excuse that I needed to stay home with Phoenix because I'd taken him and Nali to the dog park for a long time earlier in the morning, where they'd gone swimming.  So I left him with Nali to rule the house and just had a great and relaxing time.  I didn't overthink it at all.  I just decided to go, and went.

Meredi and her friends had plans to watch the Boulder fireworks last night, but I'd invited my little sister to come down and watch the Lafayette ones with me, since the show was only a couple blocks from my house.  So I sat and read the first Harry Potter for awhile while I waited for her to come over.  As yesterday happened to be Monday, and the new season of Weeds started last week, we decided to watch the new episode and then walk down to the lake.  The walk was quick, and even though there were a lot of people there already by the time we got there, so many more showed up after we did.  It was crazy.  Phoenix did just fine, too.  He was not bothered by the loud noises of the fireworks at all - it was all the people talking and the little kids screaming and yelling that made him really antsy.  I couldn't get him to sit down and relax.  The show itself was good - a lot longer than I'd anticipated, and it was still really hot outside and there were like no mosquitoes so it was totally enjoyable.  The walk home felt even hotter (maybe because I had to so forcefully restrain my puppy who was so excited by the enormous amounts of people), but we got home before 10, so I had time to shower before bed.  The house gets so damn hot at night and it's nearly impossible to cool it off, so I'm going to buy a window fan to suck the cool air in and blow the hot air out, either today or tomorrow.

Not having to worry about homework has been extremely refreshing.  As much as I enjoy being in school, I also very much enjoy not having deadlines and stress.  I think I'd have been just fine if I hadn't had to do the stupid group presentation last week.  Even the paper I could have handled better if I weren't so preoccupied with putting the presentation together.  I hate group presentations with every ounce of my being.  I will die a happy lady if I never have to do another one again.

I checked my grades today, and I got a fucking B in Sex, Gender & Society.  I feel like my participation and hard work warrant an A, but I'm not in charge of evaluating me.  I'll be getting an A in Criminology for certain, although that hasn't been posted yet.  Maybe I'll have a 2.25 GPA once that's up.  Ugh.

Oh!  And I spent a SHITLOAD of money today.  Easily about $700.  I bought my plane tickets for Kate's wedding, and I reserved my hotel room.  I bought the dress, and I paid for the materials for the 30-day diet plan I'm doing before I leave.  I'm hoping to just whittle my weight down a little bit (I'll be happy to hit 140), and sort of readjust my eating habits.  I've been eating really horribly for the last month at least, and longer for sure.  I have an enormous amount of faith in my metabolism, and I've been really putting it to the test over the last month or so.  And it's been fantastic.  With little to no exercise, excepting the hellish ride up the Hill in Boulder to class, I've not gained nor lost any weight.  I probably consume around 1,000 calories a day, give or take a couple hundred depending on the day.  But they're calories from fat and carbs, and very little from healthy stuff like vegetables.  With this diet, in addition to the supplements, I can only really eat 400-600 calories a day, which by itself is super unhealthy, but I'm planning to make sure that I get healthy calories.  And I can eat a lot of food as long as the food I do eat is low-cal.  So it's going to be mainly vegetables and lean meats like chicken and fish.  The fats I eat will come from things like salad dressing and butter, but I'm hoping to be able to limit the amounts of those kinds of things I eat so that I can be in control of my appetite.  I've done this enough times that I know how hard it is for me to not eat when I'm bored, and being in school has kept me so busy that I was only eating one full meal each day without even really noticing it.  I think this will be a challenge, but I'm really excited for it.  It's also going to be important that I exercise, although it won't require excessive amounts of exercise.  My current idea is to run down to the Lafayette Rec Center three or four times a week, and maybe do some weight lifting there.  The other days I'm going to take Phoenix over to my parents house and do the two-mile run we did last summer.  I'd really like to get back into shape, but I want to do it without feeling guilt or competitive with anyone so that if I don't achieve certain time or distance goals, I can still feel satisfaction.  Mainly, I just want to look in the mirror and be okay with what I see.  I'm mostly okay with what I see now, and I think that I have (as many, many women do) a skewed vision of what we're supposed to look like, and I think I'm just fine the way I am.  I'm of normal, healthy weight.  I just want to feel better about the clothes I can fit into.  I'd love to get back to 130-135, but I don't want to push it too hard.  Again, satisfaction is the key - not excessive pride, and not losing too much weight.  I'd like to feel confident in my appearance.

I found a new blog to read today that gives me some ideas for how to adjust my lifestyle so that I'm not feeling broke as fuck all the time.  Granted, I've saved up money to be able to take the trip out east and to buy the diet supplements (which are expensive!), but it felt really good to be able to pay for the plane ticket and hotel without asking my parents for money.  I used some of my student loan money, though, so it's not without consequences.  I'm justifying it by saying that if I were to put the expenses on a credit card, I'd be paying a WAY higher interest rate than what I'm paying on my student loans.  And this blog is about how a woman working a full-time job went on a 16-month spending "fast" and managed to pay off nearly $25K in debt (student loans and credit card and some to her parents) in that amount of time.  That's really inspiring!  I'm terrible with money, and the fact that I have been able to stay afloat these last few months - especially April and May - is amazing.  But I don't ever want to have to ask my parents for money again.  Ever.  So I'd like to look into reforming my spending habits and see if I can't get myself under better control.  I don't think I will do something as drastic as going on a spending fast for 16 months (although it's certainly not out of the question; I feel like I've been living that way for years now), I would like to spend my money more responsibly and start saving.  I've never been great at saving, and now is a good time to start.  I am thinking about going on what she calls a spending "diet" and setting up a hard-core budget for myself to live off of starting around my birthday.  Once October 5th hits, I'm done with this little project (I'm sure I'll still write a few times a week both out of habit and need), and I really think that having some kind of goal in mind or some kind of easily attainable end-point to look forward to has helped me focus my energy and emotions into useful outlets.  I have felt exorbitantly better since having something like this to focus on, and I am not ready to let go of how great I've felt.

And now I don't have to worry about writing when I get home tonight!!  The weather has cooled off enormously because it's rained (dammit, I left the beach towels out back!) and so I might be able to move around the house tonight without wanting to die.

I don't have to work tomorrow!!  I don't have to work for the next TWO days!!  I'm pretty much ecstatic...now if this stupid-ass phone would just stop ringing.

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