Friday, March 25, 2011


I am absolutely drained.  I babysat the kiddos today, and my patience ran out right around 5pm.  Today is little H's 4th birthday, but he didn't really seem to care until he discovered he'd be getting presents and cake.  He picked chicken nuggets and french fries for dinner, and so my parents decided to get McDonald's for us all just to make it easy.

Yesterday after I left work I went to my first acupuncture/chiropractor appointment.  It was interesting.  I felt only slightly belittled by the doctor, who scolded me for sleeping on my left side even though it is my "longer" side (apparently my pelvis has very little tilt to it, and my right side is slightly shorter than the left).  He told me that I injured my ilio sacral ligament on the left side (although after looking at diagrams I don't see how that's possible), and he used a little chiropractic tool on a couple of pain spots and then poked me with needles.  Afterwards, he asked me how I felt and I honestly didn't feel any different, and I am not sure how I was supposed to feel.  I don't really even know enough about acupuncture to know what exactly it is supposed to accomplish.  Anyway, the doctor assures me that after 4 visits I will be feeling ship-shape and great.  He also suggested that I come back after for non-work comp visits so he can fix my headaches.  I'll take that under advisement, but I will probably ask around for other chiropractic specialists to see if I can't find one I like and have researched a bit.

After that, I ran home to pack some overnight stuff and headed to my parents house.  I dropped off my stuff and met up on date #1 with this guy I've been talking to.  Afterwards, I again, didn't feel any differently.  I wasn't even that nervous going into it.  We sat and talked for 2 hours, and we are great conversationalists because there was never an awkward lull in the conversation.  Turns out he is an electrical engineer and is in grad school for his masters in electrical engineering.  I don't think I knew that, and considering my affinity for school and education, that gives him major points.  He's kind of goofy looking - tall and gangly, with curly red hair and blue eyes.  I didn't feel any kind of instant connection, no big spark, no major chemistry between us, but I know I need to give him a chance and so I will.  He's ten years older than me, and divorced, but those are just facts about him.  If nothing else, I could use the attention and affection if he wants to give those things to me.

Just writing that now, made me think back on my first kiss with Brian.  I don't know what the connection was between us, I don't think it has a name, but that was the only time in my life when I've felt that with anyone.  I remember that it was in his car when he came up to visit me at CSU and I literally floated back upstairs to my dorm room afterwards.  I was in a daze for awhile after that.  It's terrifying to imagine that I will never feel that with anyone ever again, and frustrating.

Anyway, I stayed at my parents house last night and was awakened around 8am to begin my long babysitting shift while my dad took my mom to work and my sister left for work.  I had a lot of fun with the kids today, and being around them is heartwarming and it really takes my mind off of my own stuff because I'm so focused on their wants and needs, especially the baby.  Oh the baby!  She's started walking around the house all by herself and it's so strange to see after watching her learn to crawl and spending so much time coaxing her to walk.  And she's so damn cute.  She's really good-natured, although very much like her mother in terms of her demeanor.  She's got very little patience.  But she did great today.

After not sleeping well, I was dying for a nap by the time I put the kids down, but I had to go out and go shopping for presents for H and my mom, whose birthday is on Sunday.  I spent WAY more money than I had planned on spending, but I found Thor toys which H has been asking for since Christmas, so I had to get them.  And apparently my parents are short on money (again) and so I really wanted to get as much stuff as I could.  God, those kids are spoiled!  Every inch of their room is covered in toys!  But having Hunter get all the attention today was a little too much for Z, and he broke down and cried at least 3 times around dinner time because he didn't want to wait for H to open his presents until after dinner, and also because he kept offering Ranch dressing to everyone but no one wanted any.  He's a lot like his mother, too.

But now I am home, and completely exhausted, as is Phoenix.  It looks like Nali is feeling a lot better, and Meredi should be home any time now and I think I should try to get to bed before she gets home so that I don't accidentally stay up chatting with her into the night.  I like her, and I would love to chat with her, but I am so freaking tired that I don't know how much longer I can physically stay conscious.

Mostly today I've felt numb, all around.  I can't really pinpoint one thing that any of the kids did or said today that completely cracked me up.  I feel pretty indifferent towards my date last night and towards any possible subsequent dates to follow.  I don't know if it's just because I am really tired or if I am out of feelings.  I hope it's the latter because being so flipping sensitive to every little thing is really exhausting and I'm really annoyed with it.

Oh, and I have to come up with $200 to be able to enroll in school.  Don't know how I'm going to do that.  Maybe prostitution?

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