Thursday, March 3, 2011

Mood Swings

I may have to post twice today, because of the temperamental nature of my moods today.  They've been up and down, although in appropriate amounts, I suppose.  I just don't like that the little things around me are affecting me so.  I'm really hoping that it's to do with the influx of emotions I'm going through due to the recent mistake my body has made by causing menstruation.

I'm a little on the "upset" side of things because I momentarily got my hopes up this morning after messaging and receiving a reply from a particularly attractive guy on the dating site, but I've since replied to his reply and not heard back, which I can generally take as an "I'm not going to continue to communicate with you" gesture.  Unfortunately my hopes were raised when I received the reply in the first place since I looked at the guy and instantly decided that he was too good for me, but that I wanted to give it a shot anyway.  I was really hoping to get to hear back from him.

I want to stop wanting to not be alone.  I put up a status post on Facebook the other day after reading a description of a pathetic female movie character as "terminally single" that incited my fury and frustration over the stigma of being a single woman.  I'm well aware that I'm still young, and definitely young enough to not be starting to worry over the possibility of my impending spinsterhood, but for whatever reason, I can't help it.  It's like when someone tells you not to think about something, that's all you can think about.  And when you're especially sensitive about something, it seems to pop up just about everywhere to rub it in your face.  All I can see are happy couples all around me, making me feel like I'm missing out on something.  Or everything.

Oddly today, I'm feeling impulsive.  I want to do something to change my situation, to change my outlook and my attitude, to remind me of what's really important in life.  I want to just do something.  I've thought about dying my hair and eyebrows brown.  I feel like I need a drastic change in order to be able to re-prioritize or to get a better perspective on things.  Some might say that moving into a new place is drastic, but I feel like I prepared for the change and made it happen over time, it wasn't just an up-and-do-it type of change - it was gradual. 

I feel like I'm probably putting on weight, and it's nothing significant, but it's enough that I feel like a bit of a slob.  I think it's not unusual for me to feel this way towards the end of the winter.  Unlike many of my soccer teammates, I can't play indoor soccer during the winter.  The decreased space results in a much higher velocity of the ball and it's a lot more physical and in order to save money and to promote my continued physical activity I have to turn down every opportunity to play indoor.  It ruins my ankles.  I don't think I've made it through one entire season of indoor soccer (roughly ten weeks or so, once weekly) without coming out the other side with a severe ankle sprain.  My ankle joints are already relaxed enough that playing outdoor soccer is hard on them.  Which means I am going to have to start hitting the gym, which I hate.  I should also try and find a gym closer to my house to hit so that I am not driving 20 minutes to use my mom's gym membership which my sister has already laid claim on since our mother doesn't use it.  I'm thinking about pulling one over on her and just telling her I've lost the card (I haven't) and then using it myself.  I had hookwinking my sister (or anyone) that way, but I think it's okay for me to be selfish every once in awhile.

I'm ready for a nap.  I think tonight's bedtime will be a bit early.

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