Post Original Title: Why I Might Not Be Your Friend

Originally posted: 4/20/2010

I'm super picky about the people I allow the privilege of being my Facebook friends. Facebook has grown so much just in the last 6 months that people I'd searched for two years ago that weren't on there, are on there now. I used to be on myspace, but after two horrible experiences where I discovered cheating boyfriends via myspace, I deleted my account(s) (I had two for some reason that is now unknown to me). Anyway, I've rigged my facebook account so that if you search for me on there, I won't show up unless I'm a friend of one of your existing friends. Everything on there is as private as possible. My theory is that I don't really feel the need to advertise the successes and failures of my life for God and everybody to see. So when I get the random friend request here and there, I really weigh whether or not I want to be friends with the person. These are some of the questions I ask myself:

• Do I care what this person is up to at this point in their life?
• Was I close with this person in high school (or middle school, or elementary school, or do I have important memories of growing up that include this person?)?
• If I was not close with this person, do I think they've changed to where I could be close with them now?
• Am I going to feel jealousy or envy for this person?
• Would I randomly meet up with this person for drinks?
• Would I want this person reading everything that I post on facebook? (this includes random thoughts, feelings, events, pictures, links, etc.)
• Am I okay with this person commenting on every single thing I post? (this is for the creepers - you don't know who you are, but you should because you are a creeper. Has anyone told you that you are a creeper? That might be how you could know you are a creeper.)
• Is this person friends with people who I would/would not want trying to friend request me? (See the part about my facebook privacy settings)

Then, once I've asked these questions of this person, I can either clear my conscience of ignoring them (and for the sake of not hurting people's feelings, Facebook does not alert us when someone ignores our friend requests?), or accepting their request. There are situations where I don't want to hurt someone's feelings so I'll accept their request only conditionally. I'll keep them for a week or so, and depending on the amount they post or if they play games or send me all kinds of stupid shit like farmville requests or stupid games, I'll decide whether or not to delete them. I'm serious, I do this. I deleted a girl I knew from girl scouts who mysteriously disappeared from my life and I literally never once wondered where she went. If I conditionally accept someone (and at this point I feel like I should send them some kind of contract that notifies them that I've conditionally accepted them, and that there are several reasons for which I will delete them so that their feelings aren't hurt when I do, inevitably, delete them), I read their posts, look at their pictures. Here's where I have a clear point for which I will delete them very quickly - if they over-abbreviate with "LOL" "U" "R" "U R" "OMG!", things like this, they're out. I refuse to be friends with people who can't spell out the words "are", "you", or "be". How hard is it to spell these words out in their entirety? I generally exclude the 13 year old girls I used to coach because it's not their fault that they don't know how to use proper spelling, grammar and punctuation.

Sometimes I feel like friend requests are just a way for some people to take a peek at your life and remind you that they exist on this planet. Understandably, I will perpetually receive friend requests from people who have their self-control broken down over time and finally join facebook, and then remember that I exist and then request my "friendship." When I'm facebook-stalking someone, and I request their friendship (the people on this list are people who I was friends with in the past, but they wronged me in some way so I broke up with them), I can reasonably admit that I am doing just that, reminding them that I exist. Do I want their friendship? Probably not. If they wronged me at some point in my life and I broke up with them then, why would I want to be their friend now? Because I am 25 and single and desperate to meet new people without having to leave the house.

Note: I just accepted a friend request from someone I've never met. Why, you ask? Because I am 25 and single, desperate to meet anyone new that doesn't require me to actually put on clothes and leave the house.