Monday, March 7, 2011

Brunette, Life's Not So Different

And so I began my first day as a brunette, complete with brown eyebrows.  They're too dark!  They're about the same shade, which is good, but I think they look kind of goofy.  I might be able to get another box of the dye and use it to lighten the brows a bit, but I would rather not do that if I can help it.  I've been getting a ton of positive feedback, although if I think about it, there's a very small chance I'm going to get negative feedback, what with most of the people who actually see me on any kind of daily basis being just acquaintances, and they're more apt to be polite than risk hurting my feelings.

Getting up early was a little more painful this morning, but I've been able to stay awake today.  I brought Phoenix over to my parents house this morning, and we got there early enough for me to sit and chat with my mom and sister for a few minutes.  I got to work, and the day hasn't flown by, but it's gone pretty quick.  I get to go straight home and relax tonight, without picking up Phoenix or having to prepare a doggy dinner, or having to shoo the other dogs away.  It will be nice to have a short break.  My sister just called me to ask if I can babysit on Wednesday morning (which I am reluctant to do because that's my sleep-in day!), but I'll just spend the night over there tomorrow night so that I don't have to wake up extra early to get there.

I'm feeling pretty chill today.  I've got an interesting story from yesterday, though.  I wasn't certain I wanted to share it until I'd thought about it a little bit.  I have a friend that I met back in 2004 when I was working at Broadway Suites.  When I started working there, Brian and I had just returned from Florida, and were in the process of trying to move in together here.  I met this person and was almost immediately attracted to him, partly because I had a dream about him shortly after I'd met him.  It was suggested to me that I mention it to him that I'd had a dream about him, so I did, via email.  He's the type to read into dreams, and to think that they mean something very important, which I tend to do as well.  We got to talking, via email, over time, and eventually went out to get sushi together.  He actually popped my Hapa cherry.  Anyway, I've never ever admitted this to anyone (except maybe Tiffany, and maybe Former Bestie), but I kissed him several times while I was still with Brian.  After Brian and I broke up, and after I quit working at Broadway Suites, we'd sporadically kept in touch.  Our timing never seems to be in sync, either I'm lonely and he's dating someone, or he's lonely and I'm not up for dating.  He got angry at me once when we were hanging out because Aaron called me and I answered.  To me, it seemed like I made the right choice - Aaron rarely called me, and I could see this guy whenever I wanted to. 

We don't talk much, except via text now, but when we do talk, it seems to be kind of heavy.  I don't think he really gets my battle with Depression, although I once emailed him a long explanation of what it does to me.  Maybe 6 months ago or so, he was feeling especially lonely and asked me to come over and be with him, but I didn't feel like getting dressed and getting into the car and driving to Boulder.  He said at that point that he'd been thinking about me and that he felt ready to date me seriously.  I expressed, at that point, my fear that we were too different to make any kind of "relationship" work.  Well, he sent me a text message yesterday saying that he'd dreamed about me, and that in the dream, we had decided to date, finally.  Then it became about sex.  I told him that I'd like to make that happen, and he agreed.  So, via text, we decided that we should start spending more time together and see what happens.  I still fear that we are far too different to make anything actually work, but I know him well enough and he knows me well enough to at least have fun together for awhile.  Maybe it would be good for him to be monogamous for awhile, and maybe it would be good for me to be with someone for awhile that I am not planning to have a future with.  I'm leaving out a bunch of details that I would like to keep private, but that's the gist of the situation.  I haven't spoken to him today, and I almost don't want to, for fear that I will fall into my normal pattern of latching on and being a stage-5 clinger.  Not only do I not want to go in that direction, but I don't want to put him through that.  I want to be different.  I want to do things differently than I usually do, no matter how hard it is.  I'd really like to not care so much.

Plan for tonight:  Get home.  Power brain down on drive home.  Give the remaining pups some love.  Get into jammies.  Turn on Shameless, maybe warm up my taco meat and have a couple tacos.  Go to sleep.  No alcohol.  Relax in as healthy a manner I am capable of relaxing. 

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