Friday, March 4, 2011


I awoke in a much better mood today, feeling pretty mellow.  My attitude, instead of hating that I had to show apartments today, was to just do it and be done with it.  Which is exactly what I did.  Some bitch made an appointment to see one of the places today and then didn't even show up.  But I got paid for the extra half hour, so it's okay.

I must say that I am pretty proud of myself for just fucking DOING it instead of quitting when I really wanted to. I still want to quit but I can't now, I'm too far into it now, and too depended upon to keep doing it.  The apartments are slowly getting rented, which is good news because as soon as they get rented, I don't have to show them anymore.

I also am starting to make plans to take a trip to San Diego to see my Karabell!!  I'm SO excited!!  It will be the first trip I've taken by myself since Hawaii, even though it's not technically alone.  My roommate's birthday is on April 22, and she wants to go out there with some friends and I am going to tag along.  I'll spend some of the time with her, and some of the time with Kara!  It's going to be tight affording it, but I'm going to make it happen.

So I wanted to go to the gym after work today, and my original plan was to take Phoenix to my parents house, then go straight to the gym after work, then grab him and go home.  Then I decided I didn't want to do that.  So then I was going to take him on a run around the lake near my new place instead, but on the way home from work, I started getting auras which are always an indicator that I'm going to get a migraine.  So I went home and got into bed.  Right as I was starting to fall asleep, I felt the headache come on.  I woke up a few hours later, and the headache was still there, and has stuck around to now, even.  Blah.

I decided to feed Phoenix, and went downstairs, but then realized his food was still in my purse (I accidentally left it in the fridge there after work yesterday), so I ran up to get it, and then headed back downstairs.  On the way down, I fell and grabbed onto the railing, hyperextending my shoulder, and then as I was lying there for a minute to get my bearings, Rainey started sniffing the food, which cause Phoenix to snap at her, and Nali got into it to, literally right on top of me.  So I'm a little sore now.  But I thought that was kind of funny.

I've spent the last couple of hours watching Weeds and trying to relax and get out of my head.  It's mostly working, I feel a lot less emotional than I did earlier today and MUCH less than yesterday.

Something that I think I'm allowing to effect me is my knowledge that my roommate Meredi, is almost always either at work, school, or out with her friends.  She's always doing something!!  I'm sort of envious that she's got the energy and resources to be able to live her life that way, at least right now.  It makes me feel like a loser for staying home and chilling every night instead of going out to dinners and shows and dancing.  I certainly have people to go and do that stuff with, it's just that I choose not to most of the time.  A lot of it is my reluctance to leave Phoenix here, or to have to take him to my parents.  I don't think it's nice to just leave him at home with nothing much to do (and I know he loves my parents so much and loves being over there).  I just hate being away from him.

I might be the crazy dog lady.  I treat him like he is my kid, and I think that probably draws quite a bit of criticism from people.  I just feel that I don't want to subject him to something I wouldn't subject myself to.  His eyes speak to me, and I can feel his loneliness and fear over me leaving him, so I try to do it as little as possible.  I think that's why I go out so rarely.

I'm going to go snuggle into my bed with my wonderful puppy and watch a few more episodes of Weeds.  Because I want to do what makes me feel good, and right now, that's what will make me feel good.

No comments:

Post a Comment