Thursday, March 17, 2011

Uneventful St. Patty's

Since 6am, my mood has gone from awesome to blah.  I really was in a good mood when I woke up this morning, perhaps because I felt so efficient yesterday, or because I was able to use my new shower head to wet my hair down this morning in preparation of styling, or because my dog is so frigging cute, but that mood has since waned.  I know why, too.

I had a therapist ask me once to tell her what my best day would be, and why.  I told her it would be one day where a bunch of different people were texting and calling me because then it would mean that there were people out there who were thinking of me, which I rarely grasp.  I didn't really communicate with anyone yesterday, besides my family members and the people I talked to while I was working, and it didn't bother me one bit.  I was busy and running around all over the place and just not cooped up inside my head wondering why the hell people weren't trying to get in touch with me.  When I went to bed last night, I had just started texting a guy from the free dating site who I thought was super cute, and he met most of my expectations, the first of which being that he is tall.  After texting back and forth for just a few minutes (read: 10 minutes), he asked me for a picture.  From my experience with texting with guys, I knew exactly where this was headed, and I told him I wasn't going to send him a picture because I was already in bed, which was mostly true.  I had showered, removed my makeup, and I looked like crap.  As I do most nights before I go to bed.  I think this is my opinion - especially right now - because my eyelashes are blond, and therefore invisible unless I'm wearing mascara, and with brown hair and brown eyebrows, blond eyelashes look even weirder.

Anyway, the guy sort of stopped texting when I told him I wasn't sending him a picture.  I hate that!  I appreciate technology as much as the next guy, and it's pretty awesome that we can send each other pictures via text message and everything, but that doesn't mean that I want to be SEXTING with someone I don't know!!  I have sort of made up my mind not to go anywhere sexually with someone that I don't have very deep and meaningful feelings for (read: LOVE), because as I woman I am biologically tuned to associate sex with feelings/love and I don't want to confuse myself.  I don't want to go there with a guy, thinking that it might mean we are making a connection of some kind only to find out it was purely physical for him.  I think that's what happened with Aaron.  Except he was really good at making me think he really loved me.

Anyway, I am simply not interested in doing the sort of no-strings-attached thing with any guys right now, and while he seemed like he was interested in pursuing me for a short while there, I think I know better.  And that's not to say that it doesn't sort of hurt my feelings to find out that a guy isn't exactly interested in getting to know me, because it does, I'm just learning how to deal with that aspect of the online-dating thing.

I have been in contact with what seems like MILLIONS of guys on there, and it usually starts out with a few getting-to-know-you emails, and if it gets past that point (one of us usually loses interest and simply stops replying, but only half the time it's me), then I give the guy my number and we send texts back and forth for awhile.  There is one guy that I've been emailing for going on a week now, just sort of goofy things, with teensy bits of personal information in them, and I like that.  No pressure.  I haven't physically met any of the guys from the site since Nick, but I'm trying to shop around, so to speak, and explore my options.  I'm not great at balancing several guys at once, and I'm terribly indecisive, so it's probably not a great idea for me to do that, but I get a major ego boost when I am talking to a guy at any given time, so I'm trying to branch out and use my multitasking skills to communicate with like three different guys at a time.  If nothing else, it keeps me from being lonely and gives me just a little hope that I won't die alone and be found days later with my 20 dogs eating my corpse.

I would really love to meet my future husband naturally, without even trying, but since I'm not a super-social person, my chances of doing it that way are considerably lower.  It's not like I don't leave the house, I just don't make conversation with random people if I don't have to (I have to at work, so I sort of use a fake persona).  I've never met guys at the dog park, at Barnes & Noble, at work, at a coffee shop, at the mall, or in a class.  It's almost always parties, blind dates, mutual friends or online.  Which I guess is pretty normal, albeit nowhere near fairytale-esque. 

I'm just trying to keep up my hope that it will happen - I will meet the right person - when the time is right.  I'm doing the best I can to do as my mom always said: "Water off a duck's back," and let it go.  All you need is a little optimism.

It occurred to me today that Former Bestie (man, I really need to come up with a new moniker for her...) should come out for another visit.  So I asked if she might be interested in coming out sometime this summer, her and Fiancee, to join me in one of the events I'd like to do this year, either the Colfax Marathon Relay, the Warrior Dash, or the Tough Mudder.  I haven't heard anything back from her yet, I'm assuming she's conferring with her other half about dates, but I think that would be fun.  If she brought her kiddo, he could play with my nephews, and if she doesn't then it's more time she and I get to spend together!  It was just a thought I had, as Jen and I are still working on setting up our relay team and may need a couple more people.  Kara and Matt came out last year and ran with us and we did really well because of it.  And if I could get Former Bestie out here, maybe my competitive nature would finally kick in and I'd get my ass in gear getting into shape and I could lose a few pounds too.

I'll be okay.  Like I've said in previous posts, I need to get working on my self-esteem stuff a lot more. 

I listened to the radio on the way to work this morning and I'm thoroughly jealous of anyone who didn't have to work today that's been able to be out drinking today to celebrate St. Patrick's Day.  I thought I really wanted to go get a beer after work, but I have no one to go with so I will probably just head to my parents house to grab Phoenix and have a bite of their annual March 17th meal, corned beef and cabbage.  It's pretty good.  It beats whatever I would have attempted to make for myself tonight, but hopefully tomorrow night I will be making myself a delicious stir-fry dinner.  And then I think I'm hitting the bars with Tiffany and Douchebag Dave.

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