Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Middle Of The Week (maybe isn't so bad...)

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that something's not right.  I'm back to wanting to sleep for like 16 hours a day.  I got like 10 hours last night and all I wanted was to go back to sleep.  I was pretty cranky because I had to get up and hang out with the kiddos this morning, which is a terrible reason to be cranky.  They're fantastic and wonderful.  And hilarious.  I think little S is getting used to me, and I think she's more able to tell my sister and I apart (she would get this confounded look on her face which we think was confusion over how similar I look to her mom), and when I walked into the house from running to the storage shed today, she grinned at me.  I love it.  She's such a sweetie and she looks remarkably, uncannily like my sister.  It's like looking at a miniature version of her.

I am making my peace with my hair and (almost) matching eyebrows.  They've definitely lightened up and are much more similar to the color of the hair on my head.  I still HAVE to wear eye makeup as I still haven't gotten around to coloring my eyelashes to match yet, but that's fine.  I was pretty used to having to wear eye makeup whenever I left the house anyway.  I am actually thinking about staying brunette for a little longer now.  Maybe through the month of March.

I finally worked up the courage to ask my boss for a couple of days off in April to go visit Kara, and as long as my coworker can cover the desk, I'm good to go!  I'll be covering the desk for her a day the following week, so I am fairly certain we can make it work.  I also asked my boss when we'd have my 90-day review (which I am mostly dreading except for that I'll probably get $1 raise) and we've scheduled it for next week.  The reason I'm dreading it is because I know that there will be issues brought up that concern what my performance is lacking.  For the most part, I'm thrilled with how well I've been doing at this job - almost never being late (the exceptions being on snowy days) and only asking for one full day off when I was very sick.  I just worry about whatever complaints I've had lodged against me, and I know there's got to be at least one because I can never seem to make everyone happy all at once.  But my attendance is a big point of pride for me.  I think this may be the longest I've gone since I was at least 20 without calling in sick more than once.  Anyway, during the review I'm going to bring up my attempt to return to school and ask about hiring someone else to run the desk with me because Anna, my coworker, is not great.  She's kind of strange and she's kind of a bitch.  I've had more than one person tell me how bitchy they think Anna is.

I remember some of the things that I've been wanting to write about, and have made myself some notes to help guide some of my subsequent posts so that I can be more thorough about exploring my psyche and my issues.  I've also done some research into other blogs and I think I need to start illustrating my posts.  I read something in my book today that said something along the lines of "a gun or a sword can kill one man at one time, but words can reach many," and while that may be as true as true can be, few people really perceive the written word as something artistic or beautiful and I want to reach different audiences, not just my regular group of people.  That's something I'll have to put more effort into, and I'm almost at my six-month mark, so if I'm serious about this, I need to do it with everything I have and not just half-ass it.  I'm just not sure I'm capable of not half-assing it.

I got to have a good, long talk with Kara today.  I love talking to her.  I told her that I think we're friends because she makes me feel less weird.  I think that's a really obscure way of telling her that I feel a very strong kinship to her.  I find out that she and I are more and more alike every time we talk and I have known her for GOD like 10 years now!  That is delightful - knowing someone for that long but still finding out things about them and then discovering that you love them even more after that long.  I think that's supposed to be what marriage is like.  I love Kara because she is smart, and so sweet, and she makes me laugh and she makes me feel normal.  I can be completely honest with her and she can be totally honest with me, and I think it's glorious when I'm on the phone with her and her husband Matt gets on the phone.  It's like he's just an extension of her, but he has a different point of view, and I really like him, too.  I think it's rare to love a friend and really enjoy their significant other as well.  I can't wait to see her!!  I'm going to visit her in San Diego at the end of April!!

Okay I have to go to bed now, before I proactively ruin my morning tomorrow.  I hate waking up and being pissy because I can't go back to sleep.

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